Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 131916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 660(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 660(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
But I felt tied to Charleigh in some intrinsic way.
In a way I shouldn’t.
“Are you lying to me or are you trying to lie to yourself? Because this looks like you’re sweet to me, River.”
She waved the screen at me as proof.
I roughed a palm over my face. “It’s not that…”
Okay, it was all those things. I wanted to take this girl in a way I’d never wanted to take anyone.
Fuck her.
Touch her.
Keep her.
But most of all, I wanted her to realize she was free. Wanted her to know that she didn’t have to be a prisoner to whatever nightmares had occurred in her past.
I knew that’s what they were.
Nightmares.
Even if she hadn’t let me get that deep yet, I could feel them.
“What is it then?” Raven pressed.
“It’s me being a stupid prick and fuckin’ around where I shouldn’t.”
Raven’s expression grew intense, and she slowly came toward me, her voice growing soft. “I know what you look like when you’re fucking around with a girl, River. And it doesn’t look like this.”
I cringed at what my sister was implying. Cringed at the suggestion that was written all over her face.
“You like her. You care about her.”
“I don’t get to have that, Raven.”
“Why not?”
“You know why.”
She huffed like I was in the wrong. Like my sins weren’t stacked against me.
I’d made a trade. I’d long since accepted that.
“That’s bullshit, River. Total bullshit. Do you think I don’t know what you sacrificed for me? What you’ve sacrificed for the others? You deserve to be loved more than anyone I know.”
My chest squeezed, pain eating me alive.
“You know the rules.”
And above that, I’d given Nolan all that I was. Everything I had to give. He was my priority, and I couldn’t lose sight of that.
Emotion ran thick in Raven’s mahogany eyes. “Screw the rules, River. What’s this life if it’s not worth living?”
The raucous stomping of footsteps echoed from overhead, and I reached out and touched my sister’s cheek. “Got plenty to be living for, Raven.”
Adoration filled her features, and she set her hand over mine. “That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve more. After everything you’ve done for me. After everything you’ve done for them.”
Unable to answer her, I backed away. “I need to get upstairs and play that game with Nolan.”
I turned on my heel and started up the stairs. My sister’s words stopped me in my tracks. “If you don’t care for her? Then you need to let her go, River. Let her live her own life. She doesn’t need to be toyed with. She’s been broken enough.”
I could barely nod with the lump constricting my throat, but I did, and I hurried to climb the stairs. I moved directly to Nolan’s room where he was already on the floor with the game set out on the carpet. “Hey, yo, Daddy-O! Are you ready to play? I got it all ready for us. Get ready to go down!”
He hopped on his knees and pumped his fists, like we were getting ready to throw down in the ring rather than play a game of Trouble.
Affection pulling fierce at my chest, I sat down across from him and ran my fingers through his hair. “Yeah, buddy, I’m ready to play.”
Darkness had fallen, and the house had grown quiet. I’d tucked Nolan into bed two hours before, and Raven had retreated to her room to read one of the smutty romance novels she was obsessed with.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling, unsettled as fuck. Struggling with what Raven had said. She was right. I shouldn’t be messing with Charleigh if I had no intention of being the kind of guy she needed me to be. When I knew I couldn’t be him.
Should have ignored it when my phone vibrated on the mattress beside me, but I picked it up, heart clamping like a fist when I saw who it was from.
Little Runner
Have you ever loved anyone?
Fuck me.
She really was trying to do me in. But I was the one who’d come up with this asinine idea. Begging her to trust me when I knew full well that I couldn’t be.
Me
My sister? Nolan? My crew? Yeah. With all of me. But not the way you’re asking. You?
Even though I was coming apart inside, I kept up with our typical cadence and asked her the same.
Little Runner
No. Not in that way, either.
Me
How’s it possible someone like you has never been in love before?
Couldn’t stop myself from asking it, unable to imagine a lifetime where someone like Charleigh hadn’t had that. I’d figured that was a big piece of her grief. Of what that tattoo I’d marked on her had meant.
Little Runner
Because I’ve never had anyone that I’ve ever wanted to love like that. Have never had anyone to love me back.
My fingers flew in their disbelief because who in the fuck wouldn’t fall in love with this girl?