Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 106538 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 426(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106538 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 426(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
“Taylor said they don’t know the cause and might not know for weeks. And Jamie said you didn’t remember much when you came out of your coma. So how can you say it wasn’t the plane when everyone knows you’re a very skilled pilot?”
“You’re a very skilled mechanic. And you don’t travel with me, so you’re not the last person to inspect the plane before I fly.”
I know what she’s saying is true, but I hate feeling so helpless.
“Lola’s not going to want you to fly again,” I say.
Maren keeps her gaze on Bandit as he purrs on her lap. “I know,” she murmurs.
“But you’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?”
She lifts her gaze to mine and nods. “I’m going to do it for myself. I’m going to do it for all the other pilots I work with. And I’m going to do it so Lola can see that not all tragedy ends in death. This accident wasn’t an epiphany. It was a risk I take with my job.”
I understand, but Lola will not. And that will put me in the middle of an impossible situation. “I’d better go,” I whisper, but I don’t know whether to step toward her or the door.
Maren gives me a sad smile as if she can read my mind. “Whatever you’re feeling is okay. Maybe I’m not the only one who still needs to heal.”
“I love you,” I say because I don’t think I can ever leave her again without saying it.
She frowns. “But?”
I shake my head while deciding I need my next step to be toward her. “No buts.” Kneeling before her, I rest my hands on her legs, forcing Bandit to jump off the sofa. “I love you, even if it scares me to death. The only thing that scares me more is trying not to love you. But I have to come to terms with the fear that kept me from being there for you. I feel ashamed, guilty, and embarrassed.”
“Ozzy,” she says, pressing her hand to my cheek while her head tilts.
Closing my eyes, I lean into her touch and turn my head so my lips press to her wrist. “You have to let me work through this without feeling the need to make it better for me.” I open my eyes and lean forward until our mouths are a breath apart.
She traces my bottom lip with the pad of her thumb.
“You just need to get better. Okay? And I’m here for you. I’m not abandoning you,” I say with a smile. “Lola wouldn’t let me.”
Maren smiles, and my willpower dissolves as I kiss her. I want nothing more than something easy again. Life was easy before Brynn died.
Normal was easy.
Everything since she died seems to come with a warning or an asterisk.
Lola’s alive, but . . .
I can go back to work, but . . .
An amazing woman has come into my life, but . . .
“I’m sorry that nothing about my life is easy. I’m sorry that I’m struggling at the worst possible time.” I brush my lips against hers. “But make no mistake about it, I’m so fucking grateful that you’re sitting here with me.”
I have to make things right. She deserves better than the man I’ve been these past few weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I have to be a better man for her.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“I’m going to ask Victoria to discuss Maren with you this week,” I tell Lola when I tuck her into bed.
It’s been a week since I’ve seen Maren. I’ve texted her daily to see how she’s feeling, but I’ve let her spend time alone with her parents.
Who am I kidding?
I’ve been a coward, making up excuses to Lola for why we can’t visit her. I know her friends have visited. That’s what good people do.
I’m an asshole.
“Why do I need to talk to her about Maren?” Lola adjusts her pillow.
“Because you should discuss how it will make you feel when Maren returns to work.”
“What do you mean?” She narrows her eyes.
“Maren’s a pilot. When she’s better, she’ll get back in a plane and fight fires because that’s her job.”
Lola rolls her eyes. “No, she won’t.”
I brush her hair away from her face. “Why do you think that?” I know the answer, and that’s why I need her to discuss it with Victoria.
“Because she almost died in a plane. Why would she do it again?”
I keep my hand on the side of her head. “Because people with risky jobs know that their job doesn’t end just because something goes wrong.”
“I’m going to talk to her.”
I shake my head. “Maren is not your mom. We care about her—”
“We love her.” Lola lifts her chin.
I sigh. “We love her but can’t tell her what to do with her life. I need you to understand this. The whole reason you’re in therapy is because fearing something to the point that it disrupts your life is no way to live. If Maren were scared to get back in a plane, she’d probably see a therapist too. And she may see one before she flies again just to ensure she’s ready to be in the air once more. But that’s her life. Not ours.”