Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Ben rests against the countertop. “I know I can’t afford the house on my own, and I know I shouldn’t ask, but can we wait before we divide things up? I’m not really in good enough shape to move right now.” I don’t remind him that the house is paid for. It’s something he should know. I’ve never kept it a secret that I used my trust fund to buy this place. Ben pitched in, but a house payment is something we don’t have.
“I’m not going to kick you out. Your mother and brother on the other hand . . .”
Ben chuckles. It’s the first time I’ve seen him smile since Thanksgiving. He turns and looks at his face in the mirror and groans.
“You’re right, I look like shit.” He runs his hand over his beard. “I’m not even a fan of this beard but I’m too lazy to shave.”
“Sit down, I’ll do it for you.” I pull out his shaving supplies and nudge him toward my vanity. He sits as still as he can and allows me to shave him. When the razor drags over his skin, he swallows hard. “I’m almost done,” I tell him. I thank my dad for this, for teaching me how to shave a man’s skin. I don’t know why he taught Peyton and I, but we loved sitting on the counter with him while he shaved. And then one day, he handed us the razor and held his hand over ours, guiding us. Peyton and I took turns learning how to shave his face. He never once complained about the nicks we gave him. Now, I feel like I could open my own barber shop and offer a fresh shave to people.
“Do you want me to trim your hair?”
He shakes his head. “I’m going to lose it soon. I want to keep it until it starts to fall out, and then I’ll shave it.”
“Yeah.” I run my fingers through it, and he closes his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ben. This is wholly unfair.”
Ben looks at me and tears fall from his eyes. “I’m scared, Elle.”
10
BEN
Elle pulls me into her arms. This is where I want to be, but also, nothing feels right. I don’t want her pity, which is why I didn’t tell her to begin with. She’s going to try and fix everything, when in reality, she can’t fix any of it. Elle can’t make the cancer go away. She can’t stop my hair falling out. She can’t stop me from puking my guts out due to the chemo.
But she’s going to try, especially if I don’t stop her.
I start to stand, gently pushing her away from me. Deep down, I know she cares about me but right now, having her here is too much. Had I known she planned to come over, I could’ve prepared myself better. I could’ve been on my A-game and when she started asking questions, the wall would’ve been up.
One look at her though, despite how angry and hurt I am over our relationship, and any resolve I had built for the past month slipped away. I love her and I’ll undoubtedly love her until the day I die—even if that’s sooner than I think.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“I need some space,” I tell her and head back to my office. She follows me, clearly not understanding what space means. When she gets to my office, she closes the door and starts to say something but her phone rings.
“Hello. Yes, that’s right. Yes, it’s a mini tour, US only. Yes, I’ll be with them. Okay, call my office and set it up.” She hangs up and gives me a soft smile. “Sorry about that.”
“No problem,” I say, shrugging. “Work will always come first. I know that now.”
“Ben—”
I hold my hand up. “I get it, Elle. It has taken me a long time to realize where I fit in your life. I’m second on most days, third on the rest.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? You put your job way before us. If your sister calls and needs something, you’ll drop whatever you’re doing to be there for her. And then there’s me.”
Elle huffs and wipes away her tears. “Your assessment is off. My job seems as if it comes first because I’m trying to build a career. I don’t want to be a joke in this industry, and I definitely don’t want some unsuspecting teenagers to end up with someone shitty managing them like my uncle Liam did. You have a career, Ben. I’ve never complained when you’ve worked late or had to fly to San Francisco for meetings. I never complained when you were late for dinner or had to cancel because your boss needed something from you at the last minute. You could’ve quit and come to work for me full-time, but you insisted on being separate from me. You want to blame me for failing in our relationship, but there are two of us here. I’m not the only one who didn’t give one hundred percent. I’m sorry, but you don’t get to wake up one day and decide things need to work differently between us. Don’t act like you’re innocent in all of this. We agreed on a timeline for our wedding, and suddenly you want to rush it. As for my sister, you don’t understand the connection and I can’t explain it.”