Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
He straightens up beside me. “There’s not much to tell.”
“Start at the beginning.”
“Okay, I drove to Donovan’s house.”
I roll my eyes, but I like that he’s being playful and sarcastic. “You know what I mean.”
“It went well. Donovan is the ER nurse and the one who started messaging me and Anthony. Anthony works at a bar in West Hollywood.”
“Do you realize the first thing you went to is their jobs?”
His brows draw together. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. Just an observation.”
“Are you saying I care what they do? Or that I see their worth in their careers?” He shifts uncomfortably.
“What? No. That’s not what I’m saying. Most of your life is wrapped up in your job. I think in a lot of ways, the Rockwell defines who you are, so it’s interesting that you go the same way when it comes to other people.”
“And hockey doesn’t define you?”
He has a point, but I feel like I’m onto something here. “Of course it does in a way. But no matter how much I love it, I work hard to have a life outside of hockey. And I just… I feel like you deny yourself that, is all.” I reach over and hook my thumb with his.
Hayes watches the movement like a hawk. “What are you doing?”
“Um…touching you? Do you want me to stop?”
“It just doesn’t feel like a thing two people who are just fucking would do, so it’s throwing me.” His gaze snaps to mine. “Not that I think you want a relationship with me. I would never think that.”
His statement doesn’t sit well with me. “Why wouldn’t you think that?”
“Because you told me that,” he replies, and oh, well, I did. “But that’s okay because I don’t want a relationship with you either,” Hayes adds, and my chest feels a little heavy all of a sudden.
“We’re getting off-track again. This isn’t about a relationship. People who are fucking can hold hands. Tell me more about your night.”
“I was trying to, but then things got weird.”
I laugh. “Things aren’t weird.”
He sighs. “I’ve just never done something like this.”
How has no one realized how fucking adorable and sweet he is? I can’t believe someone hasn’t snatched him up earlier, that the only one to give him a chance was an asshole who hurt him. “Do you want me to let go of your hand?”
“Whatever. It’s fine. So…the most important takeaway from my conversation with the Jilted Exes is that it wasn’t me who was bad at sex.”
I realize he’s changing the subject and don’t make it any more difficult on him. “I could have told you that. You’re the hottest ass I’ve had, and I haven’t even had your ass yet.”
He shakes his head in that way he does when he thinks I’m not being serious. “I don’t know why you say things like that.”
“Because they’re true.”
“Yeah. Sure. Okay. Anyway, I…I can’t figure out what you want me to say. I’m not used to talking to people like this. I guess it was nice to be around them since they’ve had the same experience as me—not that I’d want anyone to go through what I did. Malcolm did a lot of the same things to all of us, made us all feel the same way. But…” He lets the word linger, and I notice he’s massaging circles on my hand with his thumb. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it, and it feels intimate in a way none of the other things we’ve done together have felt intimate.
“But what? You can tell me.” I want him to tell me, want to be a good friend to him.
“He’s called both of them.” Hayes pulls his hand back. I miss the contact, the warmth. “I know that’s stupid to care about. I don’t want to talk to him. I fucking hate him. But…”
I cup his cheek, brush my thumb along his cheekbone the way he’d done to my hand just moments ago. Fire burns through my veins. I fucking hate The Prick, but I’m trying to keep that tamped down right now because it’s not what’s important. “But part of you still feels like, why not me too. That’s normal, Hayes. We’re humans, and our emotions are complex and confusing. They don’t always make sense, but we all want to be wanted. Even if the other person is the biggest piece of shit on earth—which he is, by the way.”
He gives me the small smile I was hoping for.
“Fuck Malcolm.”
Hayes nods. “Yeah. Fuck him. Sorry. I don’t know why I said all that.” He looks away, maybe embarrassed and maybe confused. I also think a part of him needs to keep the walls up because of what he’s been through.
“Because that’s what friends do.” I drop my hand and ask, “Anything else happen?”
“Anthony invited us out to the bar he works at one night. I probably won’t go, though.”