Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“He takes good care of me.” Rylan wraps his arm around me, and the weight of it, along with his words, shocks my heart back to life.
We talk for a while longer, and I try to pretend I’m not wearing an oven mitt and holding ice to their son’s ribs. I should’ve just gotten the wrap.
Still, I don’t, and I enjoy the rest of our time together. When I pull the ice off and go to put it in the kitchen, Julia says, “We should probably get going.”
“Let me show you that ad I was telling you about, Dad,” Rylan tells Mace, who uses his cane to stand, following Rylan into the room downstairs, where he has a computer.
I’m not surprised when Julia joins me in the kitchen. “He cares about you a lot,” she says. “I can tell. I’ve never seen him like this. Even before he admitted you’re in a relationship, I could tell something was different.”
“I care about him a lot too,” I admit. “It’s…scary.”
“I get it. Rylan’s biological father…he wasn’t good to me. I went through a lot with him before Rylan was born, yet I kept going back. I wasn’t in a good place and couldn’t see that I deserved more than him. Anyway, I had Rylan, and he left—which was the best thing that could have happened to us. I was scared to ever risk my heart again, afraid it would continue to happen because I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was defective in some way or deserved it. And then I met Mace, and he was worth the risk…worth the work for me to get in a healthier mindset about myself. I’m thankful every day that he came into our lives, and I’m thankful I found it in myself to be strong, to see my worth and to give him space in our world.”
I stand here, shocked, heart beating too fast, unsure what to say. I don’t feel like I deserve Rylan either. I’m afraid he’ll do the same things to me that Malcolm did, even though I know he’s a better man than Malcolm could ever be. But I’m still struggling to see that what Malcolm did to me is because of who he is, not who I am.
Leaning against the counter, I tell her, “I’ve only been in one relationship before Rylan, and it wasn’t good. He was using me. He was dating numerous people at the same time. It’s like…no matter how much I know Rylan isn’t like him, I can’t stop waiting for this to end or to get hurt.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, but remember, you have to be willing to open the door if you want to let something better in. You can’t lock it out.”
I nod, knowing she’s right, and feeling this unexpected connection to her. I like Rylan’s parents a lot. “Thank you. I’m trying.”
Before we can continue the conversation, Rylan and Mace join us.
“She’s not harassing you too much, is she?” Rylan teases.
“No. She’s great.”
We walk Julia and Mace out to their car. They hug Rylan, and then I freeze up slightly, not expecting it when his mom does the same to me. I don’t know how to do this. Being someone’s boyfriend is hard enough, but being a guy’s boyfriend with his folks is even more confusing.
I hug her back, then do the same with Mace, and they get into the car—Julia driving. My heart is bouncing around in my chest, this high whooshing through me as the day sinks in. It was better than I could have ever hoped for. Everything about Rylan is better than I could have ever thought to wish for. It all feels like too much, like my head is spinning and I’m filled with more energy than I know what to do with.
I grab his hand and tug him toward the house.
“In a hurry?” he asks, a playful dance to his tone.
“I feel good,” is all I can manage to say. The second we’re in the house, I push the door closed behind us and say, “Don’t move.”
His pupils flare when I grab his shirt and begin to pull it over his head. Rylan lifts his arms, making it easier for me.
I kiss the corner of his mouth, let my lips journey down his throat. “Thank you.”
“Baby, you don’t have anything to thank me for.”
But I do. Rylan treats me so differently than anyone ever has, makes me feel things no one ever has. I can’t stop thinking about what Julia said to me, about taking chances and seeing my worth. I don’t know that I’m there yet, but I want to be.
I lower myself to my knees in front of him, pushing Rylan so his back hits the door. He reaches for his shorts, but I shake my head. “Let me,” I tell him, then lean in, rubbing my cheeks against his growing bulge, breathing in his scent that’s musky and strong and goes straight to my head like the best aphrodisiac. “I want you. Want to suck you. Want to make you come. Want you to just stand there and let me do all the work.”