Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“It’s really not a problem, Rylan. I’ll just say you’re sick. It was probably a dumb idea anyway.”
“What? It wasn’t a dumb idea. Come on. Let’s go.” Everything will be fine, and if it’s not, we’ll deal with the consequences later.
“No.” He turns around but doesn’t move.
“No?” I ask, and he shakes his head.
“I know you. You’re superstitious as hell. Now you have it in your head that something will go wrong, and even if they don’t tell anyone about us—which they won’t—if you don’t play well next game or your team loses, you’re going to think that’s why.”
My first instinct is to gasp—he just put that shit into the universe—but this time, I’m not stupid enough to let myself say it. “That’s…not…true?” Fuck. Way to sound convincing. It’s totally fucking true.
“You can’t even reply without it sounding like a question!”
What the hell is wrong with me? He’s right. I have no idea what I’m doing here, why I’m making such a colossal mess of things, but I’m not sure I have it in me to stop. “We can just get through the playoffs like the original plan. Then we won’t have to worry about anything. We can have the guys over here. That would be fun, and hell, we can hang out with them all summer if you want. I just…maybe it’s better if we get through this season first.”
“Sure. That sounds good. I should go.”
Damn it. I forgot this whole thing means he has to leave tonight and go see Anthony and Donovan without me.
“Will you come back afterward? I don’t want to lose any time with you.”
“Okay,” Hayes replies, but there’s something off about his voice.
“See you soon,” I tell him, then watch like an idiot as he walks out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Hayes
So…while I’ve been very vocal about not going public with my relationship with Rylan, now that he’s decided it’s not a good time to meet my friends, I realize how much this sucks. How much I truly want people to know about us…how I don’t want to feel hidden.
I got so inspired after talking with his mom, so hopeful, that now this change in direction feels like I was pushed off a cliff and I’m free-falling into the unknown.
When I look back on my relationship with Malcolm, I realize how little we actually did together. Considering I popped the question at a hockey game, obviously we went out, but now I see how careful Malcolm was with things we did—likely trying not to run into another one of his boyfriends. And while I know that’s not the case with Rylan, that the waiting makes sense and that I’m also not sure I’m prepared for the fallout when people do find out about us, it feels really bad to be a secret. That one minute he was going to meet my friends, and the next he isn’t. Being human comes with so many conflicting emotions. I don’t understand how anyone can look at the world in nothing but black and white.
I keep trying to tell myself this isn’t personal, that it wasn’t very long ago when I was one hundred percent on board with the whole secret relationship, but my insecurities are resurfacing from where I tried to bury them, sprouting and coming to life, telling me Rylan doesn’t want me, that eventually I’ll end up alone again.
Instead of driving to Donovan’s, I go home. I send him a message to let him know something came up and we won’t be there. I can’t imagine showing up alone after I told them I was bringing someone.
I sit in traffic because that’s what one does in LA, going at a snail’s pace to get home. I tell myself that maybe this is a good thing. Maybe Rylan and I were going too fast. I was supposed to be some kind of sex god, but instead I fell for the first guy to show me any attention, just like I did with Malcolm.
Rylan isn’t Malcolm.
After a hellish drive, I finally park at my building.
“Good evening, Mr. Rockwell,” the doorman greets me. “How was your day?”
My boyfriend broke up with me, and I’ll forever be alone! Okay, there’s a small chance I’m a drama king. “Not too bad. How about yourself?”
We make small talk for a moment before I head upstairs. While I enjoy talking with the doormen, as well as the security that comes with living in a building like this, I do like the privacy Rylan has at his house. Like how we can hang out on the deck or on the beach. Ooh, maybe I should get a cat! I never saw myself as a pet person. We never had one growing up, but I love Puck, and for whatever reason, the demon cat seems to love me too.