Total pages in book: 44
Estimated words: 40484 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 202(@200wpm)___ 162(@250wpm)___ 135(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 40484 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 202(@200wpm)___ 162(@250wpm)___ 135(@300wpm)
El rested his ass against the back of the sofa, thinking back to this wild ride of a night that felt like weeks, not hours. “I owe them now, so it’s not like I have a choice, do I?”
Trig’s head dropped into his hands, and he gave a raspy howl that made El back out so fast he barely kept his balance and avoided a pathetic tumble to the seat.
“Will you fucking stop it? Do you really think I’d pull you into a trap? Me? Do you have any idea what you mean to me?”
It pulled at all the strings in El’s heart, stretching them until he could hardly breathe. “I’m sorry. I just… you seem to have this whole new life and all I bring to the table is trouble.”
“I chose to be in that attic,” Trig said, his head jerking up. “And I chose to kill three people so you could live. And you know what? I’d do that again, every single time, even if it sent me to my grave,” he said, shooting to his feet. There was a fire in his eyes now, so intense El should’ve been afraid of being scorched. But all he could sense was warmth radiating over his skin like sun rays on a summer afternoon.
El was drawn to that sensation as if he’d spent the last five years in the Arctic, and had to force himself to stay put because his instinct prompted him to start kissing Trig all over. He’d missed this man so much that their time apart already seemed like a void he wanted to forget, but they still had things to discuss, so he wrapped his arms around himself with a heavy heart.
Trig let out a hiss and shook his head. “I stayed with those people, because I know they take care of their own. We could both thrive here, but I won’t take away your freedom. The matter with the cartel will be settled, and you’re free to go wherever you want to, whether it’s with me or somewhere out there, on your own,” he said, making a vague gesture toward the window.
The tension was so thick in the air El worried it might choke him, but he leaned forward when Trig hung his head and spoke again.
“I’m done with games. This time, if you choose to leave, I will let you go, because living like this makes me too fucking miserable. I want to have someone of my own, who will be there for me each time I return from a job, not a man who keeps running whenever I do something he doesn’t like. It’s your call, El, but know that I come as a package deal with the Coffin Nails.”
The challenge in Trig’s gaze froze El in place, but it was gone when Trig rested both hands on his hips and looked to the floor, as if awaiting judgment.
The freedom to leave should have given El wings, yet it tightened around his neck like a noose. But worst of all were the spikes of regret spearing him from all sides. He’d been so damn selfish and hadn’t even considered how badly his actions had hurt the one man who ever mattered.
“I want…” El’s mouth went dry as he watched the most important person in his life stand at arm’s length. Just within reach. If only El chose to make that step. But he’d also have to accept being dependent on others, entering a community despite telling himself in the past that he never wanted that again.
“What do you want?” Trig snapped but whispered an apology when it came out sharp as the blade he’d used to kill the cartel men.
El’s heart thrashed like a bird trapped inside a cage too small for its size, but he stepped forward and opened his arms wide. “I want you! And if you say those guys are trustworthy then I’ll take them too. Whoever you’re attached to and in whatever circumstances, okay?” A sob tore its way up his throat, and he willed it down with the last thread of his self-control. “I’m sorry I was such a pain. I’ll be better. I’ll be the person you need.”
Saying it out loud lifted a weight that had squashed El’s chest all along. It would have been so much easier to run and find himself a little hole to hide in on his own, but living without Trig would have been a miserable way to exist.
The silence that followed his outburst rang in his ears until he couldn’t stand Trig’s scrutiny anymore and covered his face.
“Really?” Trig asked, as if he’d bared his feelings despite being secretly convinced El would end up rejecting him out of fear. He was such a good man. So loyal and kind. He didn’t deserve the wringer El put him through. In fact, he deserved someone way better than El—someone prettier, who wouldn’t be weighing him down—but El was too selfish and jealous to let go of Trig when it was so very clear he was wanted at his side.