Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“No, no. Why is it dumb?”
We hadn’t done this—ever—talking about guys or anything like that. I was in the closet, and then she told me to deny myself. I did, and by the time I came out of it, I was too angry with her to open myself up this way. But I wanted to do it now, I thought. “Because I’m scared I’m going to like him in a way he won’t like me. And that I’m going to get closer to Logan too, and somehow I’m going to lose it all because I’ll mess it up, or he’ll realize I tried to insert myself into his life in a way I was never meant to. Like they’re a round hole and I’m this square peg, telling myself it works when it doesn’t.” I wanted to be suited for them so bad, and while I felt like I did, I doubted Knox would feel the same. Not in the way I was starting to want.
“Oh, sweetie.” Mom knelt beside me. “You don’t know for sure if that will happen. Knox likes you. I hear you guys talking on the phone, and he’s always inviting you over. Maybe you’ll fall for Knox, and maybe you won’t. Maybe he’ll feel the same, and maybe he won’t. That’s always a risk when you put your heart out there, but isn’t it worth it? There’s no chance at all if you walk away. I’m not saying to take needless risks. You have to protect your heart, but…I don’t want you to be alone. I’ve spent my life feeling alone, even when I was with your dad. I want better for you.”
“You deserved better than him. Have you dated since then? You should get out there, find yourself a good man.”
She shook her head. “Oh, I couldn’t. I’m old and have too many issues of my own.”
“That’s not true.”
“We’re talking about you, not me,” she said with a smile.
Why had I never thought of that before? Of Mom being alone. “Well, I think you should date. I’m going to see if I can figure out the eligible bachelors in this town.”
“Don’t,” Mom rushed out, panic in her voice.
“I was kidding. I won’t overstep. I’m sorry.”
She waved off my concern, but I couldn’t tell if it was honest or not. “I’m an old lady. I have my house and my projects, my job and my son. That’s all I need.”
Reaching over, I gave her a hug. “I’m glad I’m here.”
“I’m glad you’re here too.”
Talk of men dropped from there. We finished clearing out the brush, and Mom told me more about her plans—another garden she wanted, a gazebo, and a swing. She wanted her own little oasis, and I wanted it for her. I liked working with her, talking to her, getting close to her again.
Still, Knox was on my mind the whole time. I kept telling myself I would fall for him, but the truth was, I already had. I wasn’t in love with him, but I liked him beyond his sexy lumberjack look. I wanted…more with him, but that was something I needed to force down. His friendship was the most important thing, and I was desperate not to lose that.
So I’d pretend I didn’t want to be the hole to his peg, ones that fit together really fucking well. We were friends, and that was all, and one thing that would help with that was to find someone who did like sticking their pegs in sexy little holes like mine.
Which meant a hookup app. Josh had offered to go to Richmond with me sometime, but I wasn’t sure if he meant it, and now that I thought about getting laid, I realized I was really fucking horny and wanted it now instead of waiting to plan a weekend away.
It took less time than I would have thought out here to find a top looking for a hookup. The guy was visiting in the area and wanted a night out, but since we were both with family, we didn’t have a place to go.
I booked a room at the hotel I stayed at when I first got to Havenwood. We were meeting at six, and since I was a good little bottom, I showered, douched, and took care of everything I needed to do. I’d even skipped dinner for extra precaution.
“I’m heading out,” I told Mom a little while later.
“Going to Knox’s?”
“Um…no?”
She held up her hand. “I don’t need to hear any more.”
We both laughed, and a knot loosened in my chest, maybe one I’d had there since that day Mom asked if I was gay and then told me I could pretend I wasn’t.
“I love you, Mama.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “You haven’t called me that in a long time.”
“I know.” But I thought I would more now.