Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 86455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
“Why’d you call her?” he asked quietly, treating his pounding headache with kid gloves. What he really wanted to do was go another round with his so-called friend.
“Misery loves company.”
“Shouldn’t have called her.”
Tex set down a plate of dry toast in front of him. “You’re right,” he replied. “You should’ve called her.”
“She didn’t want me to,” Hawk said, remembering Tildy declaring them finished.
Tex snorted. “That girl would drop everything to be with you. She wants you more than you want her.”
“Not possible,” Hawk muttered, staring down at his plate.
“Then take her.”
He shook his head and pushed the plate away. “Can’t.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“I’d ruin her,” Hawk said, giving voice to his biggest fear.
“You already are,” Tex pointed out.
Despite his foggy, throbbing head, Hawk whirled on his friend. “Fuck you,” he snapped and then the rest of the previous night came crashing back. Snarking at Tex in the alley, the other things he’d done there. He glanced at the scratches on his forearm. Had Tildy seen them? Yes, she had. His wounds might be a little bloody, but they would’ve cut Tildy even deeper.
He opened his mouth to rail on Tex. What right did he have to call her?
“She’s a good girl,” Tex said, and Hawk closed his mouth. “A nice girl. Cut her loose or keep her forever, but decide right now.”
Hawk bristled. “If you wanted me to cut her loose, you shouldn’t have fucking called her!”
“I don’t want you to cut her loose. I want you to be happy. And you can be... with Tildy. Let him go, Hawk. Bury him, even if he isn’t dead.”
Hawk rubbed his unshaven face with the palm of his hand. “Leave Garrett out of this.”
“I’m not talking about Garrett, and you know it. You’re not scared some chick is going to cheat on you, take half your money and your kids too. You’re afraid you’re him, that you’ll be the one stepping out.”
Hawk burned with anger as he faced off against his best friend. “They cut off my hair.” Tex said nothing, simply waiting. “They cut off my hair, and every time I looked in the mirror I saw his face.”
“You’re not him.”
Hawk scowled. “I’ve got too much of him in me! You think I want to break her heart over and over ‘til one day it can’t be fixed, and she dies from it?”
Tex sighed. “Your mother had cancer, Hawk.”
“It was the broken heart that killed her! It made her weak, and the cancer took over. If he’d have stayed, if he’d have been a real man, she’d still be here.”
“Well, I’ve got some bad news for you. You’re already breaking Tildy’s heart.”
“She’ll get over it.”
Tex nodded. “Sure. Sure she will. Someday she’ll forget that she had feelings for you. And not long after that, being married to that asshole and controlled by her parents. Pretty soon, she won’t feel anything ever again, but you won’t get off that easy, because you’ll never forget. Tildy isn’t the kind of girl you get over, not a guy like you.”
Hawk’s brow furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean? A guy like me?”
Tex smirked. “You hate everything and everyone.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Well, you don’t trust anyone. Except for us. You’re always waiting for the sky to fall. Then along comes Tildy. And no matter what happens to her, no matter what people do to her, she never loses faith. She just keeps believing that someone’s going to come along and love her. Because I think she knows she deserves it. But you? You don’t think you deserve it. Because every time you look in the mirror you see your horn dog old man, who’d rather fuck around and walk out on his wife and kids than be there for the people that need him. You’re not him.”
“And it’s not your job to save anyone,” Tex informed him. “Garrett’s decisions are on him. And whatever Tildy chooses to do, that’s on her. But you? Fucking random chicks, wishing they were her because you’re too scared to tell her that you’re willing to try? That’s on you.”
Hawk stood in his own kitchen and felt as helpless as he had when Tildy went missing. He realized he had nowhere to go. In the bathroom, he’d only see his father’s face, in the bed he’d smell his Angel and wish she was still there. On the kitchen table, he spied his laptop. He gazed at it intensely as his mind turned over and over. Could he escape his past? Could anyone?
He wasn’t certain, but in that moment he wanted to believe it was true.
Chapter 53
After work, Tildy passed Carmen in the foyer. The older woman was finished working for the day. As Tildy stepped aside to let her pass, Carmen said, “Un paquete llegó para ti.”
“Aqui?” Tildy asked absent-mindedly, stowing her car keys in her purse.