Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 107687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Everything I’ve worked for would be gone?
For…Austen.
Okay, I have to think logically here. I haven’t slept with her. There are hardly any feelings between us, just a whole bunch of lust.
“Fuck me, even I know that’s a fucking lie,” I say out loud, smothering my face with my hands.
Because it is. It’s more than lust; I know it is. But damn it, if I don’t feel like I’m on the road to becoming Quinn Adler to the second power. I don’t want that. I don’t want to beg someone to love me, but would I have to? Austen is absolutely into me; I could feel it from her body, and I feel it in my soul… Oh, I’m so fucked. I run my hands down my face and look up at the ceiling as the thoughts pound in my head. If I let this happen, do what I am sure is going to happen once she walks through that door, I’ll be hers.
In less than a heartbeat.
Plain and fucking simple.
The way she looked at me in such a pleading way, as if I would deny her. As if I would tell her she’s a freak for not ever kissing anyone. Was she fucking kidding? That shit turned me on so strongly I couldn’t see straight. Hell, I still can’t. It made me want to wrap my arms around her and never let anyone touch her. Never let anyone taint her because she is pure and fucking perfect.
And she is mine.
“Goddamn it.” My voice breaks, and I feel a sob burning my chest. Because I know, I fucking know I could fall so deeply for her, my life wouldn’t have any meaning without her in it. I know it.
And if I don’t make the roster, I could potentially hold her grandpa accountable, and that could come between us. Ruin us. Ruin me. Then what would I do? I don’t have an education to fall back on; I don’t have a plan. All I want to do is play fucking hockey for the team my dad played for.
Maybe I should make another plan, call my agent, but that wouldn’t make sense. If I’m in the US, I want to play for Elli’s team. If not, I could go back to Russia to play, but I know Austen wouldn’t go. She’s too deep into her grandpa’s new team, and I doubt she’d want to leave her family, when apparently she just got back with them. Whatever that means.
But also, how is this supposed to work if she’s in Knoxville and I’m here? It’s a two-hour drive, dumbfuck. I know I’m being negative, because I’d drive to the ends of the earth for her. But would she do it for me? What if she’s just looking for someone to feel things with? What if I’m reading too deeply into this, and she’s just coming home to fuck? Jesus, what is wrong with me? I know I am overthinking, the one thing I told her not to do.
And yet, here I am, losing my fucking mind.
I let my head fall back, taking in the living room. A stack of books sits next to the Xbox, ones she’d brought from her room and then some I picked up for her this afternoon. She doesn’t know they’re here yet, and I was excited because I got us both a copy so we could read at the same time. The couch has her socks hanging off the back with a huge fuzzy blanket too. Her favorite pillow rests there, while mine is on the other side next to where a six-pack of beer sits near the bottom of the couch.
The whole apartment is our oasis—where no one can see us and time could stand still if we allowed it. Where it is easy and no one can put scary thoughts in our heads. I’ve gotten used to what we have here. The privacy and the perfection of a space that no one can touch. I clear my throat once more, drawing in a deep breath before I let it out in a whoosh. I don’t know what to do, but I do know three things.
I don’t want my career to be ruined.
I don’t want to end up like Quinn.
And I don’t want to hurt Austen.
I know what I need to do. I know what has to happen to make sure those three things don’t ever become reality. But doing so, I think, might break me.
No. I know it’ll break me.
But do I have a choice?
Without really thinking, I stand and head to my room. I pack a bag and fight back the emotion that is swirling deep in my chest and threatening to suffocate me. My hands shake as I grab what I need quickly since I know she’ll be back at any time. I don’t trust myself to walk away. I don’t think I can if she’s standing in the room with me, those eyes holding me hostage. I just need a day or two to myself. I need to breathe. I need to fucking think.