Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88841 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88841 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
When Ryder simply nods, I add, “Would you guys want to go?”
“We don’t want to intrude,” he says, reaching over and grabbing Addie.
“You definitely wouldn’t be intruding,” I say as Addie tries to reach for me again. “The girls are practically inseparable.”
And then it hits me. Brian hated going to places like the zoo. Anytime I asked him to join us, he’d say he had work to do.
“But if you don’t want to go, I can take them.”
“Really?” He raises a brow. “And how are you going to get there?”
“By ordering a car.” It will cost a pretty penny, but it will be worth it.
“That’s not happening,” he scoffs. “C’mon, Violet. Let’s give your mom time to get ready. We’re going to the zoo.”
“Yay!” Violet cheers, flying off the bed. “I’m gonna wear my princess dress!”
I shake my head as she runs out, not bothering to argue with her. Some battles aren’t worth taking on.
“Mommy, look at the giant monkey!” Violet runs over to the gorilla exhibit and jumps onto the rocks, smashing her face and hands against the glass.
“Those are gorillas,” I explain. “It says she recently had a baby.”
“Up, pease!” Addie raises her arms, and I lift her up, setting her on the rocks while staying behind her so she won’t fall.
“Oh, look,” Ryder says, coming over next to us. He points toward the corner, where the baby is lying in the grass, playing with his feet.
“That’s the baby!” Violet says. “He’s so cute.”
A moment later, another gigantic gorilla comes around the corner, joining the other two.
“It’s the mommy, daddy, and baby,” I explain to Violet, not realizing my mistake until she glances at me, her eyes curious.
“Where’s my daddy?” she asks.
“Um …”
“Addie has a daddy, and so does Kingston and baby Emilia,” she continues. “The baby gorilla has a daddy. Why don’t I have one?”
She stops talking and waits patiently for me to answer her, as if she were asking about the damn weather, while I try to think of what the hell to say to my daughter.
I always told myself I would never lie to my little girl. And that was easy because she’s always been home with me and, I guess in a way, sheltered. I don’t have a dad, and my mom doesn’t bring any men around. Even when I was with Brian, which wasn’t long, she just called him Brian. But now, she’s older and been exposed to other family dynamics, so it makes sense that she’s curious.
“Everyone’s family is different,” I explain carefully since the zoo isn’t exactly the right place to have this conversation. “Some have mommies and daddies, and some only have a mommy or a daddy.”
She thinks about this for a moment before she says, “Can Ryder be my daddy? He’s a daddy, and we live with him.”
Oh Lord.
“Ryder is Addie’s daddy,” I say through the lump in my throat.
“Well, where’s mine?” she asks, annoyance laced in her tone because she’s not getting an answer.
“You don’t have a daddy,” I tell her truthfully.
Maybe it’d be better to tell her that he’s not here, but then, what if she asks where he is? I hate this for my little girl, but I need to be honest with her—even if it hurts.
“Why not?” she asks.
“Because not every family has a mom and a dad,” I say. “Kingston has a mommy and a daddy, Addie has a daddy, and you have a mommy. I don’t have a daddy either,” I tell her. “But you know what?” I palm her cheek, hating my ex for creating a baby and then walking away. I know it’s for the best because I wouldn’t want him resenting her, but it sucks, having to be the person to explain that the man who was supposed to be her dad didn’t want her. “I love you so much, Violet. More than all the stars in the sky.”
When she was a baby and colicky, I would take her for walks at night around the neighborhood to help her sleep. Sometimes, when I was beyond frustrated, I would hold her close and look up at the starry night, praying for the patience and strength to get through it. Then, I would take a deep breath and tell her I loved her more than all the stars in the sky.
“I love you more than the stars and the moon,” she says back. Then, because she’s hell-bent on getting answers, she looks at Ryder and says, “Do you have a daddy?”
“I do,” he says, “but he’s not very nice. I’d rather have a mom like yours. She makes the best brownies ever.”
He rubs his stomach to emphasize his point, and Violet laughs.
“I love brownies!” She glances back at me. “Can we make brownies?”
“We sure can,” I agree. “Which animal do you want to go see next?”