Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 77793 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77793 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
“Oh, my sushi rolls, please don’t say that. He’s not really my husband. You know the whole story.”
“I don’t know anything of the sort. The whole story, yes. But the fact that he’s not your husband? Sweetheart, he’s legally your man whether you like it or not. And yes, he’s legally, or maybe illegally, that hot.” She titters away, just loving this while I die a little more inside with every word. If they didn’t ring so true, it wouldn’t be so bad. “I know I might be old, but I’ve still got some juice in the caboose. I was once a wife full of life myself. I know a hunky stud when I see one.”
“Oh my lord.” I debate sliding underneath the table for good this time. Why can’t there be a portal to another dimension of less complicated life close by when you need one?
“Ha! Enough of that. One day, you’ll be old too. You should make happy memories to look back on, not lonely ones. You’ll have enough of those ahead of you without choosing self-exile and solitude right now. That never protects you.” Mrs. Johnson stops petting my hand and levels up to petting my head. “Being alone doesn’t keep your heart safe. In my experience, there’s never really a love not worth it, even if it doesn’t turn out well. Sure, there are the stinky apples, but I’m not talking about them. I mean a love with a good man. Your man isn’t a stinky apple. A good man is a special thing, and he’s one of the good ones for sure.”
As if Orion has senses for compliments and such, he angles back from the register up front, where he can’t possibly hear us, and flashes us both a grin that has probably melted more than its fair share of panties all over the world.
“Just think about all the things that could happen in the future,” Mrs. Johnson goes on. Nope, it’s not hard to tell which side she’s picking here.
Maybe it’s not one of our sides, but she’s firmly on the side of me staying married and giving it a shot. The thing is, I didn’t tell her about Orion and his family and what they really do. She doesn’t know anything about my unique skill set, and she doesn’t know much about my past. She can’t really make an informed decision. I can’t blame her for thinking our whole drunk wedding is kind of romantic. And for being charmed by Orion. He’s actually quite the charming devil.
Damn it.
“What kind of things?” I ask, even though I know I shouldn’t encourage this.
“Things like…well, the bad things. Things that you might want a strong, burly man around for. Like an alien invasion. Or if alligators took over the world. Burly men are also very handy for things like carrying full bags of groceries. He seems to have a good sense of humor, so you could always use that when you’re down. He’s also wicked gorgeous, which doesn’t hurt in the dreams of future, irrational, hypothetical children department.”
“Gah!”
“And I hear there’s a lot of fuss over letting a man participate in the sexual experience. Not that there’s anything wrong with doing it on your own—”
“Oh my god!” I grab my water glass and down the rest of the contents, ice cubes and all. Thankfully, they’re in a mostly melted state by now. I think, on a scale of red hot to lava, my face is flushed lava times infinity. That’s seriously hot stuff. I’m slowly melting into a pile of gooey, messy, mushy heart mess here.
Not to mention what my va-jay is doing.
“I told you, I was young once too. Just think of it this way. If ham is on sale, and they’re really on sale—like it’s normally thirty or forty dollars, and now they’re on sale for eight to ten dollars—wouldn’t you stock up? Is, say, eight hams too many hams to buy all at once?”
I blink. I wish my glass had more water. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I was just trying to settle an argument. A decades-old argument that I once had with my late husband. I was doing the shopping, and when I saw a deal, I went for it. He was very annoyed with my deal buying and said that eight hams were too many hams.”
“I mean, if they were on sale, then that’s a smoking deal. I don’t think it’s too many. You could always freeze them. Hams are super versatile.”
“There you have it!” Mrs. Johnson bangs her fist down on the table, then points upwards. “I hope you hear that, Peter.”
Oh god, she’s addressing her late husband. Please don’t strike me down, Peter, for siding against you, wherever you are.
“The point is, I have such great memories, even from the arguments. Truthfully, even from the hard times and the few bad times we had. Even throughout Peter’s illness and after losing him, which was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to bear, I never once wished I didn’t experience the pain because I knew it would fade day by day, and I had the good memories to sustain me. Life is a little bit like a good sale on ham. If you’re presented with that opportunity, you should go for it.”