Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66200 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66200 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
That was mildly disturbing.
Fuck.
I removed my hat and ran a hand through my hair, and not for the first time in my life, I wanted to be as far away from here as possible. Why the fuck did I keep coming back? Oh, because it was easy, and because I’d gotten fired a lot in the past. It was only in recent years, maybe three or four, that I’d gotten my act together—at least, when it came to work.
“I thought for sure you were leavin’ for good this summer when you went to see Sophia in Washington,” Dad told me. “I was real nervous, I admit it. I estimated you’d set aside about a hundred grand at that point.”
Hundred and fifty.
I shook my head grimly, admittedly insulted. I supposed I had myself to blame for all the years of lowering their expectations, but I hadn’t saved that money for myself. Or spent it, rather, because that money was gone. I’d bought a piece of land in Camassia Cove for Sophia and Dylan to build their dream home. She just didn’t know it yet.
“I’ve no intentions on leavin’, sir.” While I needed breaks from the ranch and took on short-term leases for apartments around the state wherever work was, I always came back. Sometimes I didn’t know why. I wasn’t particularly happy here. At the same time, I felt I had a responsibility. David and Soph had left, and Dad needed a right-hand man.
“Well…” Dad rocked a little on his feet, eyeing the fence. “Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea?”
My brows knitted together. “To what? Leave?”
“Yeah. I…I can’t change your mama’s beliefs, son.”
Beliefs on wh—oh.
So he meant—he actually wanted me to get—
“It’s my god’s honest truth that I don’t care what you do behind closed doors,” he went on. “To be honest, I prepared myself already. I used to suspect David was…you know. Never in a million years did I think it would be you, but—here we are.”
I couldn’t grasp any of the emotions suddenly wreaking havoc within me; I only felt the blood drain from my face, my hearing suffered—it sounded like rushing water—and I couldn’t swallow.
He wanted me to leave.
“But you don’t have to sneak around with the credit card, is what I’m gettin’ at,” he added firmly. “I’ve crunched the numbers, and three hundred thousand dollars should be enough to get you up and runnin’ elsewhere. Consider it a token of my gratitude for everything you’ve done for the Kidd Ranch over the years.”
My stomach started churning, pushing nausea up my throat.
“It’s just easier this way, Blake.”
Easier. Right.
The man couldn’t even look me in the eye anymore.
“Mama’s been through too much.” Now he was making awful excuses. “She doesn’t get to see David’s kids that often, and now with Teddy not comin’ to stay either…”
“Right,” I heard myself mutter. Holy shit, they wanted me gone. Because I was the moron who’d come out as gay. In this day and age. I mean, I’d known I was going to hurt my mother, but I’d had some hope… That motherfucker—Sebastian. He had given me hope. He’d reminded me of the importance of being true to myself. Because if I wasn’t honest about who I was, nobody else got the real me either. And all the way home, after running away like a coward, I’d built up confidence that didn’t belong there. I’d thought, of course my own mother would want me to be honest. She would love me, regardless.
I’d also known that Dad wouldn’t be a big issue. As long as he didn’t have to talk about it, he looked past most things.
“I know I haven’t always been fair to you, son,” he told me. “I’ve pushed you harder than David and Soph because I see myself in you like I don’t do with the other two.” He paused. “That’s how I know you’ll be fine. You’re a good man. A hard worker. You stand tall—you’re strong. You do what’s best for your family.”
Was he trying to convince me or himself? Because I was about to fucking blow, and the last thing I felt right now was strong. He’d also never uttered anything like this to me before, partly because I hadn’t given him reason to. But now he wanted to push me out the door with a clear conscience.
You do what’s best for your family.
He saw himself in me? In other words, he believed he did what was best for his family too?
You do what’s best for your family.
As in, leave.
“I will transfer the money and tell your mother you’ve accepted a job out of state,” Dad finished. “She will feel guilty if she thinks you’ve leavin’ because of her.”
“But I am,” I blurted out. With those words, my pulse went through the roof and hurt slashed through me. “You’re kickin’ me out because my Bible-thumpin’ mother can’t handle me being gay.”