Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
“What?”
“Just do it. Roll up your sleeves, so I can see your tattoos…and smile.”
I did what she asked, and she snapped a photo.
She winked. “Eye candy for the road.”
I shook my head in amusement as she walked away. She was a courageous soul. Did I know an angel on Earth when I saw one? I was pretty sure I wouldn’t know one if it punched me in the face.
***
Skylar’s visit had given me the courage I needed. The fact that even one person close to Nina had my back meant the world.
The following day marked exactly a month since Nina walked out of my life. I decided to take that Tuesday afternoon off to go to her apartment and try to talk to her. I hadn’t known what I was going to say but wanted her to look into my eyes and see that I was telling the truth.
It was a windy spring day as I walked from the subway station to her neighborhood in Park Slope. My stomach was churning, and my heart was beating rapidly as I recited what I wanted to say to her. I hadn’t smoked in months, but today, I really felt like I needed a cigarette. People walking by looked at me strangely because I was talking to myself and gesturing with my hands.
As I approached the brownstone where she lived, my heart sank. I immediately hid behind a large tree.
Nina was walking toward her steps, and she wasn’t alone. Some guy with brown hair and glasses had his arm around her. I couldn’t exactly make out his face, but what I did know was that he was wearing a Mister Rogers button down sweater and that I wanted to knock him out.
They sat down together on the stoop, and he took the sweater off, placing it on her shoulders. She bent her head back in laughter at something he said, and my chest constricted. It was like heaven for a split second seeing the joy on her face. She had my heart for Christ’s sake. How could it not feel good to see your heart happy? On the other hand, it was pure hell because it wasn’t me who put it there; it was all because of another man. I had never been more envious of another human being in my entire life.
Watching their every move, I stood frozen behind the tree. She looked so beautiful in a yellow dress that brought out her golden hair that was shining in the sunlight. I wanted so badly to run my fingers through it, to smell her, to hold her. Seeing her made me realize just how badly I had missed her.
He touched her knee, and my fists tightened in response. My heart was beating like crazy and I was sweating profusely.
Fuck, this was killing me.
He seemed to be telling her a story, waving his hands around, and every time she laughed, it felt like I was losing her a little bit more. I just stood there like a stalker, taking it all in. After several torturous minutes, they both stood up. Her back was facing me and my body began to shake when he leaned in to kiss her. I think I may have finally understood what Nina felt like when she was hyperventilating because I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.
I was really losing her.
I was numb. It shouldn’t have surprised me that someone came along to scoop her up so soon. She was a catch, and I was the fool who caught her and let her go. She loved me, and I managed to fuck it all up.
Mister Rogers hugged her goodbye and she was alone for a moment, watching him leave. Everything inside me wanted to run to her in that moment, but my body wouldn’t move. Then, she turned around, walked up the stairs and disappeared from sight.
All of the confidence that had built up in me earlier was depleted by what I had just witnessed. Skylar had said Nina was depressed and sad over me. The Nina I just saw seemed…happier without me. I wasn’t about to take that away. No fucking way. I loved her too much.
I wanted to numb the pain and almost went to a bar on the way home to drink myself into oblivion but then remembered that was how I got myself into this mess in the first place. Instead, I vowed never to drink again, so angry that alcohol destroyed my life.
Instead, I went straight home. Depressed could not even begin to describe my feelings.
Devastated.
***
The house phone rang the next afternoon. I normally wouldn’t have picked it up, but if there was a chance it was Nina, I wanted to hear her voice, even though I had vowed to stay away.
“Hello?”
“Is Nina there?”
It was a male and my body immediately went into attack mode.