Total pages in book: 23
Estimated words: 21368 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 107(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21368 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 107(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
When he lifted me into his vehicle, part of me who had never been awakened, shivered and pulsed at his ability to pick me up. All of this is a problem. My thoughts of him are impure and indecent, therefore this cannot be ordained by God for he is chaste and pious.
I am thinking of a way to say this to him when we pull into a church. Suddenly my own words come back to me, and I realize he actually read them and intended to honor them. What a man he is. Why couldn’t my sinful soul be untainted?
Jasper comes around the side of the car to open the door for me and then my sisters. I cannot bring myself to look at him knowing I am about to disappoint him, but perhaps it is better to do it in the presence of a man of God. Surely he will understand.
Jasper ushers all of us inside of the church and a man comes walking towards us. “My friend and his bride, welcome. I am Alton Reed, pastor of this church.” His eyes move from each of us swiftly acknowledging everyone before he turns back to me and Jasper. “Is everyone ready?” he asks, putting his hands together.
“Yes,” Jasper says, right before I reply.
“No. I cannot do this,” I say a little too loudly. Each of my sisters gasps, looking at me like I have lost my mind. I can only imagine what is going through their minds right now considering what we have given up.
“Sadie?” Jasper says my name with so much confusion in his voice, but again I refuse to look at him. For I know if I do, I will say yes to anything. It is awful the way my body is alive for him.
“Miss Yoder, shall we go into my office and speak privately?” The pastor asks. I nod thinking this might be a good idea. Maybe when I explain it to him he can explain it to Jasper. With my head down, I follow him into his office and wait for the door to close. “Alright young lady. What is going on? I thought you responded to the ad and stated you wanted to marry immediately?”
“I did. It is true and I intended to. Then I met him.” He waits for further explanation. “My insides are doing things it has never done before, Pastor. I believe I am impurely attracted to him and for that reason, it cannot be ordained by God.” There. Surely he will see now.
“I see. Well I understand there are some differences in our religions and way of life, but being attracted to the man we are promised to marry is seen as a good thing in our way of life. A husband and wife should be intimate to procreate. They should enjoy one another as well.” My mouth falls open at his explanation, unable to find comfort in his words.
“That goes against what I have known my entire life.” My voice sounds shaky, but I cannot seem to stop it. His eyes show compassion as he walks over to me. Gripping one of my hands, he looks me in my eyes and rips the bandage off.
“If you are not ready to abandon your faith, religion and way of life, then why are you here?” It’s like an anvil being dropped on my head. He has asked me the one question that defines this entire journey and makes me stumble back. He is right. I left that way of life to find something different and here I am trying to stay the same.
“You are correct, Pastor. Thank you for your counsel. We may proceed.” He touches my shoulder and leads me out of his office. Before noticing us, Jasper is pacing back and forth in the sanctuary. My sisters all look concerned and unsure of what to do and I feel tremendous guilt having caused this for them.
Jasper finally notices us and walks right for me. “Are you alright? Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” His face is so concerned, etched in a pain I cannot understand, but I find I don’t want him to feel either.
“I am better now. Just a little pre-marriage jitters. I am ready to proceed.” His eyes seek mine out, I presume he is searching for reticence, but he grabs my hand softly and nods his head. Together we walk up to the space Pastor Alton is standing in.
“Today in this unorthodox moment, we must remember that God works in mysterious ways. As a man of God, I am standing before you to seal your fate to one another, binding you in marriage and in trust of not only yourselves, but in the one and only Lord our Savior. To remind you to seek him out in times of confusion and pain but also joy and elation. To put him and your family first and to rely on one another for partnership, friendship, trust, and companionship. Please repeat after me.” Jasper pulls two rings out of his pocket and hands one to me. I recognize it must be the one I am to give to him.