Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 76586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
I take a sip of red, hum my approval and set it down on the side table. Turning to face Jett, I say, “I’m so glad that’s over.”
“That bad, huh?” he guesses. He knows how monumental this meeting was tonight. He knows how worried I’ve been about it.
I shrug. “I wouldn’t say bad. Just that there was a lot of tension, mostly on my part, admittedly. Felicity didn’t pick up on it and I think Shane just ignored it to concentrate on her, but God when he walked out the door, I felt all my bones just turn to mush.”
“How did Felicity do with it?” he asks and the genuine concern for my daughter warms me through and through.
“Kids are resilient.” I reach out for my glass of wine, take another sip and choose to just hold onto it. “At least that was the reassurance Nora gave me yesterday. But to answer your question, she was fine. She was the most relaxed out of all of us. Jenna and I sort of hung back in the kitchen while Shane played with her in the living room. He was nervous, of course. But Felicity was just happy to have him there.”
“Did she ask him where he’s been and why he hasn’t been in contact?” Jett asks curiously.
I shake my head. “I’m not sure if it’s because I explained some of that to her already, or she was just caught up in playing with him, or hell… maybe she just doesn’t care because kids forgive and move on so easily.”
Jett takes my free hand, rubbing his thumb across the back. “What’s next on the agenda?”
I shrug. “Shane wants to see her again and as much as possible. We’re going to touch base by phone tomorrow to set stuff up, but I’m thinking he can come to the house after Felicity gets home from school. Jenna will be there to supervise. That way I won’t have to be around him.”
“Is there cause for concern?” Jett’s eyebrows pull inward. “You being around him?”
With a sigh, I admit, “I don’t know. I just know in the past, when he would get sober and re-enter our lives, it was always to re-establish the relationship with me. It’s almost like Felicity was a second thought.”
“But you’re divorced,” Jett points out. “Surely he can’t think there could ever be anything.”
“You’d think,” I mutter, taking a larger sip of wine.
“Can there ever be anything?” Jett asks, and his tone catches me off guard. It’s… jealous?
I smile at him, curling my fingers inward to his palm before squeezing. “No. There can never be anything between us. I’ll never go back to that type of uncertainty in a relationship and with an addict, there is always uncertainty.”
Jett nods in understanding, and I feel bad that he might be a little insecure that Shane is back, but he truly has nothing to worry about. I feel nothing for the man. I don’t even have a kernel of fondness for the fact he fathered Felicity. He lost every bit of care and respect he had from me and he’ll never earn it back.
“I wouldn’t know,” Jett murmurs thoughtfully. “I’ve never known someone with demons like that.”
“I tried,” I say softly, and Jett tips his head at me. “I tried so hard to help him. To make it work. To have patience and grace. I tried to forgive, and forget, and I had renewed hope every time he got sober. I tried so fucking hard, but then there just came a time when I couldn’t anymore. It’s like a switch turned off and I had nothing left to offer Shane. I had no ability to help him, or tolerate him, and I had no more grace. I feel bad about it sometimes, but I also know I don’t owe him anything. I’ll do what I can so my daughter can foster a relationship with him in a safe environment, but that’s all I’ll put forth for Shane anymore.”
Jett takes the glass from my hand, leans over to put it on the coffee table. He pulls me in closer to him, so we’re snuggled up on the couch. “You almost sound guilty that you have nothing left for him.”
“I guess I feel I should take a higher road maybe?” I posit with uncertainty.
“From where I’m sitting, Emory, you’ve been on the high road the entire time. You’re still there now. I admire how you’re handling this.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, tilting my head so I can kiss him on the underside of his jaw. His arms tighten reflexively on me.
“Is he going to stay in Phoenix for a while?” Jett asks, shifting a little so we sink deeper into the cushions.
“So he says,” I mutter in disappointment. “I really thought he’d go back to L.A. to stay with his parents. They’re very well off and are the ones who pay for all his rehab. They’re paying for the hotel he’s staying in, but I expect at some point they’ll get him an apartment if he wants to stay.”