Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 83355 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83355 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
I want to believe in all his ideals of what we can have together.
My orgasm slams into me from nowhere, shattering what little control I had and I scream out his name. King slams faster into me, grunting his pleasure and then he’s planting deep. His head drops and he gathers me in close and growls as he comes, “So fucking good.”
My fingertips play along his back, his muscles rippling from his release, and I feel his heart beat against mine.
King rolls us, keeping me close, his thick length still inside me. As we lie there, spent and intertwined, his hand idly strokes my hip.
He’s strangely quiet.
One of the things I’ve come to love about this man is that he’s not the type to roll right over and go to sleep after making love. He likes to talk, mellow and replete, and it makes for deep conversation. It’s where we’ve had some of our most genuine discussions and why I can’t keep my emotions locked away.
I wait and I wait and I wait, but he remains lost in his own thoughts.
“You’re quiet tonight,” I muse.
“Mmm,” he hums low in his throat. “Just thinking about the wedding.”
“It was pretty awesome,” I admit, lifting up to smile at him.
King doesn’t return the smile, his expression pensive. “Would you ever get married again?” I’m stupefied by the question and can only stare at him. “Because you seem so closed off to the possibility that something real could ever exist for you. I’m wondering if you’ll always be held in reserve. Is casual all you’ve got in you?”
It hits me hard that he’s bothered by this and I don’t want to slough it off as inconsequential or even terrifying that he’s putting pressure on me to commit to something. I sit up on the bed, leaning against his side and placing my palm on the mattress so I fully face him. “I’ve surpassed casual with you, King. Surely you know that.”
He nods, hand going to my thigh for a squeeze. “Yeah, I know that. But the comments you made tonight at the wedding… I’m not sure you’ll ever be able to give of or open yourself fully.”
It’s a legitimate question and I have no qualms with him asking it, even this early on in our relationship. King is such a good guy and he deserves to know exactly what I’m thinking. “I guess the answer is, I don’t know what I’m capable of. I’ve already exceeded my desire to keep things simple between us. I know I care for you a great deal and I don’t think there’s anything casual about what we have.”
“I didn’t really know that until just now,” he says.
“It pays to talk,” I tease, earning his smile. “Maybe it would help for you to know a bit more about what Scott did to me.”
“It will make me want to kill him, but by all means,” he says.
I shake my head. “No, I’m not talking about regurgitating all the horrible words and the way he treated me. I think you can imagine it. I’m talking about what that did to me inside… to my confidence, my belief systems, my heart.”
King swallows hard and nods.
“When you’re raised in an abusive environment the way I was, all you ever do is think about the day you will escape. You promise yourself that you will find true love, you’ll never put up with that behavior from a man, and you praise yourself for your strength and resilience. You start to believe that you can have a better life and that you’ll break the pattern. And that’s exactly how I felt when I left home at eighteen to attend college. I had four glorious years of dating, having healthy relationships, and any unhealthy ones I cut off quick. I recognized the signs, avoided men who could be like my dad and I thought I was the strongest woman in the world. When I got accepted into medical school, I wasn’t most proud of my book-smarts but of my street-smarts.”
King watches me with deep pools of understanding and sorrow in his eyes, because I think he gets why I’m setting up the backstory.
I glance down at where my palm is pushed into the mattress. “But I still ended up in the exact situation I promised myself I’d never be.”
“Willa,” King says, but I shake my head, lifting my gaze to his.
“I’m embarrassed I let it happen. So fucking ashamed of myself, because in hindsight I saw the signs from the start. The little ways he needed to have control, talking at me instead of to me, bursts of anger that he was able to rein in at first, but then would escalate into fights. I saw all of that, knowing it was just the tip of the iceberg, and still I married that man.” I press my hand to King’s chest. “I don’t think you can really understand what that did to me. How bad it made me feel about myself.”