Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 57044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
“You still there, Champ?”
“Yeah, I’m still here.”
He laughed. “You know, I can be more annoying.”
“I am well aware,” I told him. “I’ve lived with you your whole life.”
He waited for me to continue. “I was told that Juno was the one responsible for getting you to drink so much. That she dared you to do it.”
“Really?” He sounded surprised, but he didn’t sound angry.
“Really.”
“I guess it’s possible. Like I said, the whole night is a blur.”
Granite House was across the street, but I didn’t go inside. I sat on a bench across the street, glaring at it. I’d always loved that house but right then I loathed it and what it had brought me. “Everything matches up, unfortunately.”
“Okay,” he said. “And?”
“And? She didn’t tell me she was in the habit of getting people so drunk that they almost die. I’m responsible for her behavior while she lives in the house, and I won’t be with anyone who could do that to someone for fun. Or dare them to do it for fun. It’s beyond disgusting.”
John’s voice was quiet. “You’re really angry.”
I barely held on to my voice. I wanted to scream and rage. But I didn’t want someone to call the cops right then. “I’m fucking livid, John. I thought I knew her, and I didn’t. Everything I learned about her was a lie. She wasn’t who she showed herself to be, and that is…” I gripped the phone so hard I could hear it creak. “That’s unforgivable.”
“Nothing is unforgivable,” he said quietly.
“You really believe that?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I do. Have you forgiven me for getting that drunk?”
I wanted to run away from the conversation. Change into my workout clothes and use a punching bag until I sank to the fucking floor. “I have, but if she got you to drink that much it wasn’t even your fault.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Malcom,” he said, abandoning the stupid nickname. “Even if it was a dare, I don’t remember, I was the one who did it. No one poured alcohol down my throat. That much I do know. I remember having a great time. I wanted all of it. I thought whatever it was, was a good idea. So even if it’s true, it’s not her fault. It’s mine.”
“Sorry, John,” I said. “But I just don’t see it that way. This is a girl who wants to be a nutritionist. That sees someone so wasted they’re nearly on the floor and gets them to drink more? That’s not just stupid, it’s malicious.”
He sighed. “All right. I’m not going to tell you how to feel. But just think about what I said.”
I didn’t say that I would, because I couldn’t promise that. “How are you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Good.”
We hung in silence together, because he wasn’t going to let it go, and neither was I. “I’ll talk to you later,” I said.
“Okay. See you, Mal.”
I hung up the phone and sat on that bench watching that house for I don’t know how long. Until I saw Juno walk out and leave, and I felt like I could finally take a full breath. As soon as I walked into the house, I texted all the guys in our group chat. Do me a favor and party elsewhere for the night. I had a hard thing to do, and I didn’t need an audience for it. None of them had protested or even minded. And as soon as they were gone I sat on the stairs and waited until she came home, mind spinning through everything over and over again. Each circuit made me more exhausted, and the bottle of whiskey was sitting there like freedom.
I could have taken a sip and been fine. The problems that John had, I didn’t. I made him that promise in solidarity and not because I was an alcoholic. But I could hear the disappointment in his voice when I told him that I had broken that pact. And I knew that he would forgive me.
I wouldn’t forgive myself.
And then…everything happened. I veered away from that memory, because the look on Juno’s face still haunted me. I didn’t regret the words, because they were true. But the part of me that still cared about her—that still loved her—hated that I had caused her pain.
But I couldn’t justify the forgiveness that John wanted to give. He didn’t understand the kind of betrayal that this felt like. And so I would hold on until I figured it out.
I was lying on my bed, wondering if I should try to sleep for a bit, since I hadn’t been sleeping well lately at night. It was the sound that pulled me up and off the bed before I even realized that I was moving. The sound of Juno’s door opening.
I threw open my door, and froze. It wasn’t Juno. It was Bailey. “Oh,” I said. “Sorry.”