Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
I step aside and motion him inside. “So why were you so upset?”
Gavin crosses the threshold, and I close the door behind him, moving across the room and putting the kitchen island between us.
“Where do I start?” He sets the roll of paper on the counter, runs a hand through his hair, and tips his chin up, eyes on the light fixture above his head before they drop back to meet mine, his expression pleading. “I was overwhelmed, Harley. By everything. By Peyton getting hurt, by my feelings for you, by the guilt I felt for having those feelings for you. And my own fears and guilt over Marcie. I realize now that my reaction was extreme because I was scared. I am scared. I avoid hospitals because the last time I was in one, I lost my wife. I don’t know if I can truly ever get over that, but I know that you were right when you said my reaction to Peyton’s fall didn’t match the injury. It made me realize that I still have a lot to overcome, and some personal work to do, because I don’t want that to happen again.”
I nod, absorbing his words. All of it makes sense, but it still leaves a lot of questions. “What does that mean for us? I can’t walk on eggshells like this, Gavin, or have you shut down on me every time something bad happens.”
“I know. I realized that I’ve allowed Karen to have the control she does, not just because of my guilt, but also because I’ve been afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Of letting myself truly love someone again. Letting someone take the place Marcie has held for so long. But I see that in not dealing with Karen, or my fears, that I’m pushing you away. I’ve spent a lot of years avoiding falling in love, and I don’t want to miss out on all the good parts of it because I’m afraid of the bad parts.”
I swallow down my own fears. “But what about Karen? How are you going to manage that?”
“We talked yesterday, and I told her that I needed to be able to move on and move forward with my life. That I deserve a partner, and that Peyton deserves to have someone in her life who loves her like I do.”
“And how did she take that?”
“She agreed. She knows she hasn’t been fair, and she feels awful, but she also felt like she’d lost Marcie all over again when we moved back here because she’d been so integral in raising Peyton, and she felt guilty for accepting someone who wasn’t her daughter into her life.”
I nod and press a hand to my heart, aware of how difficult this all must be for Karen, and Gavin, now that he’s able to see past the way it affects him and Peyton. “It couldn’t have been easy for any of you, and I can see the struggle for Karen, but I don’t want to replace her daughter. I just want a chance to be accepted and to not feel like I’m trying to meet expectations that are forever out of reach.”
“I know, and she sees that now too. We’ve all been holding on to the past, not dealing with losing Marcie the way we needed to in order to move forward with our lives. I realize one conversation isn’t going to solve that problem, but we know where we stand. She wasn’t sure you’d be able to forgive her for making it so difficult.”
“There’s always room in my heart for forgiveness. Especially since I understand what that kind of loss feels like.”
“I’m really glad to hear that.” He gives me a small smile and then swallows nervously. “I, uh … made you something to show you how important you are. Well, we did.”
“We?”
He rubs the back of his neck again and gives me a sheepish smile. “I had help from Peyton and my mom and Karen. It’s not a skywritten apology, but uh, well … I’ll just show you.”
He unrolls the piece of paper, and I bite my bottom lip. I wasn’t wrong about the sparkle on his face, it seems.
“This is…” I press two fingers to my lips, unsure if I want to laugh or cry.
“Very glittery?” he supplies.
I chuckle, and it turns into a choked squeak. It seems like tears are imminent. “Exceptionally glittery,” I agree.
In the middle of the banner that spans the entire length of my counter are the words: SORRY MY DAD WAS A TURD. There’s a happy poo emoji in brown glitter, something I didn’t even know existed. And all over the banner are drawings, some clearly Gavin’s handiwork with the neat lines and careful pencil, others Peyton’s drawings. There are little captions under each one, cataloguing our adventures together, our trip to Chuck E. Cheese, pizza dinners, our outing to the zoo. Little moments that detail our story. And it shows me exactly how loved I am.