Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 84322 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84322 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“Amazing, right? I have to see it in person.” I shrugged on a laugh. “Who knows. Maybe we could all go together one day, the whole Wagner family.”
The words were out of my mouth before I realized the implication behind them — that I was still a part of that family. And I knew that I was, in every way but blood, but the way I’d casually said let’s take a family trip! made it seem like I’d be back, like there was more of this in our future.
Like we could take a trip together — his parents, Morgan and Oliver, him and Azra, me and Jacob — and everything be just peachy.
Tyler’s grin faltered a little, but there was a dazzle of something in his eyes when he glanced at me. Hope, maybe? And he said, “That would be the trip of a lifetime.”
He smiled, and I smiled, and that hope I thought I’d seen in his eyes flittered through me, too.
Suddenly, my phone — which was tucked in the cup holder between us — shrilled and buzzed violently, vibrating the whole console.
The sound was so abrupt compared to how softly we’d been speaking that I jumped out of my skin trying to silence it, and when I did, I stared at Jacob’s face smiling at me from the screen.
I glanced at Tyler, who had his hands stiff on the steering wheel again, looking at the road with the same narrow-eyed focus as before.
“Hey, you,” I answered, shifting to the other side of the truck like if I spoke quietly and leaned away, I could keep from Tyler the fact that I was talking to my boyfriend.
Why?
“Hey, gorgeous. You on the road?”
I cleared my throat. “Yep, should be there in a couple hours.”
“Good,” he said, and a pause stretched between us. “I wish I could be there with you. I miss you so much.”
Why did it feel impossible to breathe, let alone say those words back? I felt Tyler like he was the air around me, pushing in, suffocating instead of offering oxygen.
“I miss you, too,” I managed.
And I did — I did miss Jacob. I missed our lazy Sunday mornings together in his apartment, missed the warm summer afternoons we spent riding bikes by the beach, missed the way he felt so right and so uncomplicated before I got on the plane that took me back to this place.
“I’ll see you in just a few days,” he reminded me. “And then we can explore the Cape and get all dressed up and celebrate Morgan and Oliver.” I could hear his smile through the phone. “And I’ll get to dance with my girl, and then take her home and do filthy things to her.”
Heat flushed my cheeks so fast and furious that I pressed my cold fingertips to the skin, glancing at Tyler like he could hear.
When I didn’t respond, Jacob laughed. “You’re in the car with other people, aren’t you?”
“Sure am,” I said, and this time a genuine smile found my lips, because I could picture Jacob’s grin, how devilish and seductive he could be when he teased me.
“Well, I’ll let you go, then. I just wanted to hear your voice. And make you blush in front of your friends.”
“You succeeded.”
He chuckled again, but then a longing sigh left him. “Alright, babe. I love you. Let me know when you make it.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, and then we ended the call, and I held my phone with both hands in my lap, my eyes focused somewhere in the distance outside the passenger side window.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Guilt and shame swirled in me like a raging storm, taking their turns pummeling me from every angle. Here I was, digging and pining and doing everything I could to be close to Tyler, to talk to him, to feed that connection and chemistry that had always existed between us.
All under the pretense of being friends, when I knew in my heart it was a pathetic lie.
I didn’t look at Tyler again. I didn’t try to push the let’s be friends point again, either. And I didn’t entertain the thought I’d had, thin as smoke, just before Jacob called, that we could somehow exist in this friendly, neutral territory without anyone else getting hurt in the process.
Because that call from Jacob had been a wake-up call, and Tyler and I both already understood the truth without saying a single word.
Now that we knew what we did, now that we’d cleared the air, now that I knew he wanted me back then just as much as I’d wanted him — it wasn’t the same.
I couldn’t be just friends with him.
And I couldn’t be more.
Which meant we only had one option of what we could be.
Nothing.
And that word sank into my skin like a tattoo with each new mile we drove, until I could no longer ignore it or pretend it wasn’t true.