Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
When Ezra finally wraps up his speech and heads to his seat, another video of my brother plays. Axel’s goofy smile fills the screen, and the sound of his carefree laugh hypnotizes me. The grainy backstage footage was from someone’s phone, and the thrill in his eyes breaks my heart all over again, knowing this might be the very last time I ever see this side of my brother.
He was everything. The light in every room. The fire in everyone’s hearts, and now there’s nothing but emptiness.
The funeral comes to an end, and as I sit here listening to the people pouring out of the church, I’m forced to face the fact that it’s all over. I have no choice but to say goodbye to the one man who’s always been there for me, the one who never gave up, and the only man in my life who didn’t break me.
Grief bubbles up viciously, and as I cry into my hands, I try to find a way to make this any easier, but there’s no use, nothing will ever make this okay.
“Rae,” that familiar tone says, standing way too close for comfort.
My head snaps up to find Ezra standing over me, so close that I can see the agony in his dark eyes, smell that familiar scent, and see the hint of his tattoos creeping out beneath the neckline of his dress shirt.
He creeps closer, his hand reaching toward me, and I spring out of my seat, grabbing my purse as I quickly back away from his touch. “No. Don’t,” I panic, already having to deal with too much of this man for one day.
“Rae, please.”
He steps toward me again, but this time, I know better, and I turn my back and race for the exit with tears streaming down my face. “Raleigh, come on. Don’t leave like this.”
Ezra hurries after me, and just as I reach the massive open doors in the foyer, his warm hand curls around my elbow, pulling me to a stop. “Come on, Rae. You can’t leave. Just give me a second to—”
“To what?” I cry while pulling my arm free, all too aware of the people around me and the hundreds of paparazzi just a few feet away, pointing their fancy cameras at us in the doorway. “To finally give me the answers I’ve been begging for all week? To apologize for letting me find out through social media? To admit that this was all your fault?”
“What?” he says as his brows furrow. “My fault?”
“He was strung out on drugs and alcohol, right?” I demand, having heard the exact same news report that everyone else had—that the toxicology report stated that at the time of death, there were large amounts of cocaine in his system. “You know he was never into that shit before you. If it weren’t for you—if you never took him away—”
He reaches for me. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
I pull out of his reach. “You don’t get to touch me,” I growl, the tears rolling down my cheeks in waves. I take a breath, willing myself to find just a little more strength. “Tell me what happened.”
Ezra just stares at me, refusing to respond, but the heartache in his eyes tells me exactly what I need to know—that I was right. That this world is what killed him. Whether it be drugs or alcohol, it was only a matter of time before the bullshit caught up to him, and now that bullshit has left me more alone than ever.
Heat rises inside of me like burning lava, and I find myself creeping in closer, wanting everyone else to hurt just as much as I do. “When you left, I knew everything was going to change, but I begged you for one thing. I begged you to keep him safe,” I remind him, that day so clear in my mind. “You failed him, Ezra. You failed me.”
I see the very moment everything crumbles inside of him, and he reaches for me again. “Rae.”
“No,” I whimper, my bottom lip quivering. “I’m done. I’ve waited six years for you, but I’m done. Just go back to pretending I don’t exist. It’s better for everyone that way.”
I turn away, crossing my arms over my chest, but not being brave enough to face the press just yet, I simply hover nearby as Ezra stares at me, the pain rolling off him in waves.
It’s only a moment before Rock and Dylan crowd around us, and as Rock steps into me and pulls me into his arms, I try to force a comforting smile across my face. “We’re going to have a little party in Axel’s honor, celebrate everything that he achieved, you know, stuff like that. Do you want to come?”
I shake my head and squeeze his hand. “No, but thank you. I just want to get home so I can crawl into a hole and remain there until the end of time.”