Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
It took a lot of willpower to ignore her messages. I slipped up only once, sending a shitty response that I’ve since come to regret, but maybe it’s good I went nuclear. It succeeded in making her stop. It’s been twenty-four hours since her last message, and I suspect she won’t reach out again. The notion sends a bolt of agony to my heart, even though I know it’s for the best.
Days later now, I still miss her. As much as I try to find solace in my anger, I can’t shake the part of me that wishes I never found out about her and Fenn. That I could forget everything that’s happened since and return to blissful ignorance.
When Lawson was harassing me about it in class, he was under the impression that I cared about the sex. Except that’s not it. Sure, I experienced a jolt of white-hot jealousy when I realized my girlfriend and stepbrother had seen each other naked, but that was nothing compared to what I felt when I heard them deciding to lie to me about it. It was a cross between unadulterated anger, cringing embarrassment, and a weird sense of worthlessness I’d never felt in my entire life. Like I didn’t matter enough, to either of them. Like I didn’t deserve their honesty.
Still, I shouldn’t have lashed out at Sloane the way I did. I could have said a simple goodbye and left it at that. Truth be told, I didn’t know I had it in me to care enough to be hurt so badly. Which reinforces my original instinct: there’s no upside when feelings are involved. Casual hookups protect everyone. Clean and simple.
Okay, enough. My head’s a mess and I can’t sit here listening to myself think anymore. Putting my screens to sleep so nosy eyes won’t see what I’m doing, I leave the dorm to go for a walk. Maybe the fresh air will help clear out the noise and congestion that’s got my head feeling like a soda can full of rocks.
The slightest hint of a chill carries in the breeze. For days now, the weather’s threatened to turn toward cooler temperatures, which feels like a cruel tease after we’ve spent the summer and part of the fall up Satan’s asshole. At this point I’d cut off a toe to see it drop below eighty degrees.
I’m planning to head for one of the walking trails that skirts the eastern property line of campus when a couple of rambunctious golden retrievers come barreling toward me. A brief and startling panic swarms through me, expecting Sloane to emerge. Instead, Casey jogs up to quiet the dogs.
“Sorry about that,” she says breathlessly. “They get a little over-excited.”
I don’t how much Sloane might have told her sister, but Casey offers me a warm smile without a hint of resentment.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask, still on guard. Part of me expects Sloane to sneak up behind me and sucker punch me in the nuts.
“I sort of live here, you know.”
“Oh yeah. Me too.”
It’s awkward as hell. We’ve never had a proper conversation before, and it’s brutally painful making nice when I figure Sloane’s been cursing my name all week.
“So…” Casey tosses a tennis ball for the dogs, which sends them sprinting after it. She’s got a pretty good throw on her. “Care to explain yourself?”
Yep. Sloane’s been talking to her, all right. How much she told her is a whole other story.
“My sister’s been moping around the house all week because you refuse to hear her out. Not cool, RJ. Not nice.”
Christ. Even in her soft, sweet voice, Casey’s got some fire in her.
I release a rueful breath. “I don’t know that it’s the best idea for the two of us to be having this conversation.”
“Why? Because her and Fenn had sex?”
My mouth falls open. Well, I didn’t see that coming.
“Who told you that?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.
“Fenn. A few days ago.”
That throws me for a loop. It’s been a poorly guarded secret for a while now that Fenn’s got a self-deluding crush on her. Actually, he’s pretty fucking obsessed. Why he hasn’t made a move or moved on, I couldn’t say. But it seems like the last thing he’d want is to drop an anvil on the potential for them ever getting together. Maybe guilt finally won out? I don’t know if that makes him slightly less of a bastard that he’d lie to his brother but not Casey. Judges are still out on that scoring system.
“Either way, this is a strange conversation to be having with Sloane’s little sister,” I finally answer, shoving my hands in my pockets.
“Or,” she says with a daring grin, “I’m exactly the person you should have come to in the first place.”
We start walking together. Not saying much at first. I let the dogs distract me when one of them puts the ball in my hand to throw it. With each return, they egg me to chuck it farther. Whatever it is about Casey’s presence, she has a calming effect on me. Call it good energy. Or maybe I’m reaching, searching for any excuse to feel a connection that’s at least Sloane-adjacent. Tricking myself into believing decaf coffee will settle the craving.