Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 69875 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69875 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
“Go,” I tell them before leading my ma to the sofa. I sit her down and crouch so we’re eye level. Seeing the heartbreak in her eyes is enough to force my decision to never fall in love. It brings about pain, nothing more than that. I’ve watched for years how my mother loved Da. But all he did was take advantage. He didn’t truly love her. His club came before she did, before I did.
“He’s…” Her voice is a whimper, which crushes my heart. I’ve never considered myself a ma’s boy, but she’s everything to me. “He’s gone.” The two words that once again shatter Ma more than I’ve ever seen. All my life she’s never allowed her emotions to show. The only time Ma has shed tears was when she heard news about children being slain in bombings. But now, she’s slowly breaking before me. I’ve never seen her truly sob like this. I didn’t think she would break, but when she looks up at me, I see the resolve slowly clearing her tears. “I don’t want you to be like him,” she tells me. “Promise me, one day when you’re running that damn club he loved so much, you’ll also love yer family.”
I offer her a sad smile. “Ma, I doubt I’ll be gettin’ a family.”
“Ach.” She swats at me. “Don’t you be talking like that now. You’re a good lad, and I know you’ll find a colleen who’ll make you see love is worth it.” Using the slang term for girl, which is colleen, Ma grins when I smile.
“Is it?” I ask honestly.
All I’ve seen of love is the pain and frustration Ma has been through. Aye, there were times she smiled, but they were few and far between all the anguish.
“Cathal O’Connor, don’t you talk like that,” she tells me, and slowly, tears still trickle from her eyes.
This is goin’ ta be a long road. She’s not goin’ ta heal overnight. And that makes me angry. He did this. Anger surges through me like an electric current racing through my veins. He’s hurt Ma. I don’t care about myself. I can survive the loss of a parent who was never there, but she’s loved him for most of her life. Married at seventeen, he’s been the only constant in her life. I may have come along after, but the love you hold for yer soul mate is different. It’s life changing.
“You understand that I don’t want this heartbreak for you. Seein’ you like this, it hurts me more than you can imagine. He did this. He chose a life where he was in danger all the time.”
“Aye,” she says with a nod. “But when you love someone dearly, there’s no changing how you feel, darlin’. He may not have been perfect, but love doesn’t ask for perfection.”
Ma has always given me advice. Sometimes it wasn’t wanted, but I always took onboard what she told me. The woman is a saint, and for her to put up with both Da and me, she’s certainly had her hands full. I’m nowhere near as bad as some of my mates, but I can be difficult. I’ve put my hand up numerous times to admit it.
“I love you, Cathal,” she tells me then. “Don’t ever forget, no matter what you do, to make sure you’re proud of the act, proud of the outcome.”
“As long as you’re proud of me, Ma. That’s all that matters,” I say instead, ignoring the fact there are things I’ve done over the past few years I’m not exactly happy with. I’ve made stupid choices, and I know I should pray for my sins. But the church has never been a friend. And as I sit with my mother, allowing her to cry into my chest, I know this moment is the only one that matters. I’m able to offer her some small amount of comfort.
When I pull into a parking space at the pier, I kill the engine and swing my leg over the bike and straighten up. The memory of losin’ my pa is still fresh in my mind when I make my way to the sleek, black cars parked close to the offices.
I find a couple of the guards standing at the door. They offer a nod of greeting before one of them opens the office and I step inside. I’ve known these men for years. As much as I trust them, I’m also wary.
When I find Judah Venier inside, I’m not surprised. He’s slowly been taking over the organisation from his pa. The man is a ruthless, calculated businessman, a Boss, while Judah as his Underboss is learning from the best.
“Venier,” I greet him as he offers me his hand. We shake in greeting before I say, “I need to know the new times and dates for all shipments. It seems we have someone trying to undercut us.”