Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
How can I be in love with a woman who doesn’t even trust me? I know we have some past issues that we need to work through. I am well aware of how bad that night at the lake had to hurt her. I can even see where it would make it hard for her to trust me, but fucking hell… She’s had to feel at least some of what I’ve felt since we’ve been together. She has to see how devoted I am to her.
Maybe I’m just not cut out for relationships and it’s just a pipedream that I will someday have the love that my parents and grandparents shared. That thought might not hurt as much if I didn’t feel like what I share with Tillie was that and more. It was everything. Shit, it was so much that I might not recover from the loss of it.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to let her go. Having Tillie in my life is better than not having her—even if she doesn’t trust me. Christ, I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no plans. All I know right now is that I’m going to the ranch and get my brothers to help me to track Emily down in Cheyenne—where she apparently told Tillie she was living. Once I do that, I’m going to make her tell Tillie why she’s lying and spreading this fucking shit.
That will probably soothe over Tillie’s issues for now, but it’s not going to touch mine. I’m not sure what will, except maybe a miracle to make Tillie finally realize I love her, so she admits she loves me too. Fuck, she has to love me. If she doesn’t then there’s no point to this.
There’s no point to anything.
I push my thoughts away as I pull up to my parents’ home. Mom and Dad’s vehicles are there, that’s not unusual but the fact that all three of my brothers have their trucks here is a little worrisome.
“It’s weird all the vehicles are home,” I mutter.
Damn. What’s going on now? I can’t take more bad news today. Mom didn’t seem sick the last time we spoke. For that matter, Dad didn’t either. I park but before I can shut the truck off, Tillie’s hand moves over mine. I look over at her immediately.
“I’m safe to touch now?” I ask, feeling bitter because she hasn’t tried to touch me once since I carried her off the field.
My words hurt. I see the way she flinches. She moistens her lips and tries to pull her hand away, but I don’t let her. I move so that I hold it tightly. She’s not taking it away from me. She’s not leaving me. Tillie lets out a sigh.
“Damn it,” she whispers. “I shouldn’t have flown off the handle, Ryder.”
“You think?” I mutter, some of the tightness leaving my chest. Jesus.
“I should have waited to talk to you.”
“Damn straight,” I rumble.
She turns to look at me and there’s sadness in her eyes. “It’s not fair to you, I know, Ryder. The thing is, Emily was involved and right or wrong—”
“Wrong. Very wrong.”
She lets out an annoyed breath. “Right or wrong, I don’t exactly think straight when she’s mentioned—”
“I can see that,” I allow, my heart finally starting to beat freely.
“I don’t like being around her, or breathing my air…”
“Buttons…”
“But apparently, I lose all rational thought when it comes to her being near you or even um… saying your name.”
I feel that knot inside of me start to unravel. I squeeze her hand. “You need to get over that, baby. I haven’t seen that bitch in years, and I don’t want to. She means nothing to me. You’re the only woman in my heart, Tillie.” Slowly, tears escape her eyes. All the tension leaves her body as she lets out a shaky breath. It’s going to be okay. “There’s my Buttons.”
“God, I’m sorry, Ryder. I just love you so much. Before she called, I was so happy planning in my head on how to go about moving out there and finding work so we could start our lives together. Then, she was on the phone. It felt like my world was being ripped out from under me again—only it was so much worse this time. This time, I knew what I would lose, and it felt like it was killing me.”
“Hold up. You love me?”
“I’ve always loved you, Ryder. You know that.”
“No, baby. I didn’t. You never once told me that you love me.”
“Then, you weren’t paying attention, Ryder. A girl doesn’t keep a guy’s jersey and sleep in it every night for years if love isn’t involved.”
“You love me.”
She nods.
She loves me.
I let go of her hand, get out of the car and walk around to her. She’s out before I get there, but that works for me. I take her in my arms, and pull her to me, taking her mouth and reassuring myself that this isn’t a dream. The feeling of her tongue sliding against mine, just as hungry—just as desperate—for reassurance, is the sweetest damn thing that I’ve ever felt in my life.