Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“You know I don’t like flashy shit.”
“Yeah, I know.” It was one of my favorite things about him. “So that’s what you’ve been doing since we last talked? Buying a car?”
“Well, not only that. I talked to Brittany. I worked on the house. It’s coming together real nice. And I…wrote a song. The first one I’ve written in…I can’t tell you how long. It’s not perfect, but it feels good, like the bones are there and I just have to build up the muscle some.”
His voice was a little louder, stronger, with that familiar tremble of excitement he carried when he was passionate about music. It was a reminder that music would always be the most important thing to him—more than me, more than himself. Just the music.
“That’s good. I’m glad for you.” And I was, but there was a bitter taste to my words too. It made me a dick, but I was jealous it was Brittany he talked to, when it used to be me.
“I’m doing this all wrong.” Remy shook his head. “You know how I get—sometimes I have to work through things, settle into them, so that’s what I did.”
We were deeper onto the trail now. There was the sound of birds and squirrels in the trees, but nothing else. “What did you figure out?” That he was leaving? That he couldn’t do this, couldn’t even have the friendship with me or be in Havenwood?
“Hey, Lawson! How you doing?”
Remy jumped, the voice surprising him.
I turned and said, “Afternoon, Ms. Jones. Hey, Taffy. How are you guys?” Her little poodle jumped up on my legs. “I’m gonna go home and Bear is gonna smell you on me and get jealous,” I said, petting Taffy.
“I’m doing good,” she replied, then looked at Remy. “Oh, well, I don’t know you. I know everyone in Havenwood.”
“Be nice,” I teased her. “This is Remy, a friend from college.”
“Nice to meet you, Remy.”
“You too, ma’am.” They shook hands.
“I better be on my way. Places to go and people to see!” She smiled and then swept out of there like a tornado.
I nodded toward the trees, away from the trail. Whatever we said would be better done without running the risk of seeing anyone.
Remy followed me as leaves and branches crushed beneath our feet, until we were a good distance from the trail. “What’d you figure out, Rem?” I asked again.
His eyes held mine, strong and steady. I wished he saw that strength in himself, but he never had.
“That I’m tired. I’m so damn tired of…everything. Of being the way I am. Of hiding. The only times I’ve ever felt like me, like the me I could be, is when I’m onstage or when I’m with you.”
My heart swelled at his admission, my hands trembled, but my words were gone. There weren’t many times in my life I’d been rendered speechless, but this was one of them.
“I lost my music because I don’t know that I deserve it right now. And I don’t know how to do that—how to earn it, or how to earn your friendship again. I’m not built to be who you need. But I’m trying to be…better. I want to be better. To be the friend I never was to you and to figure out who I am besides Remington—the musician and guy who takes care of his family. I don’t even know who in the fuck that is. And I don’t know what that means. I can’t make you any promises, and I’m sure you don’t want them from me, not now. You said you don’t trust me, and I understand that, but all I know is I’m not willing to lose you again, and somehow, I’m hoping to find myself in the process.”
My heart was thudding against my chest. Blood rushed through my ears, making me dizzy.
I didn’t remember moving, but somehow his face was in my hands and my lips were pressed to his. It was like that moment on the bench, the first night we met. He tensed for a second, then opened his mouth, and I slipped my tongue inside. Damned if my whole fucking body didn’t melt against him. He still tasted the same, like mint and sunshine.
It was stupid, so fucking stupid, but I deepened the kiss, sucked his lip as his hands fisted in my shirt. He made those same little quick whimpers he used to make when we kissed, and I swallowed them down.
His cock was hard against me. Remy grabbed my ass, holding me in place as he rubbed against me, like he wanted to ride me right then and there.
It was that movement that woke us both up. We stopped kissing, our foreheads pressed together, just breathing each other in. “That was really fucking stupid. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I was there too. I always lose my head when I’m with you.”