Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“That sounds like Law. He’s a good man. Crazy about you. We’ve never seen him this way.”
And I knew he was. It was such an incredible feeling, one I might never understand, but I felt it. Law loved me. He always had. “I’m lucky he stuck around. It was a lot of years of hiding. Hell, we still are, but I want to do better now. I want to deserve him.”
Griffin stopped and frowned at me. “You deserve him. You’re the only one who knows what it’s like to walk in your shoes, and you’re doing your best in them. Someone else might look at you from theirs and judge you, but that’s on them. They’ll never know how yours fit, and you’ll never know how theirs do.” Griffin cocked his head. “Holy shit. I’m deep.”
We both laughed. “I was thinking the same thing.”
“Don’t tell anyone. It’ll ruin my street cred.”
Griffin took a step, and then I did, both of us walking again. “What about you? Are you seeing anyone?” I didn’t know Griffin’s sexuality. Josh had talked a lot about guys at the barbecue, but Griffin hadn’t spoken about anyone.
“Nah, not really my thing,” he said, which was an unexpected way to answer. I’d never heard someone speak about relationships as not being their thing, unless it was someone saying they wanted to fuck everyone without commitment, but somehow I knew that wasn’t what Griffin meant.
“I don’t know that I would have ever been in a relationship or let myself fall in love if it wasn’t for Law. We’re funny things—people. All of us different.”
Griffin nodded. “Yeah, yeah we are. Do you think you’re going to stick around? I know it’s complicated.”
That was an understatement. The truth was, even after I came out publicly, there would be the fact that I traveled and I needed to be in places like LA or New York often. And tours… The thought made my heart race and my head begin to spin. Nothing felt as lonely as being on tour.
“Hey, you all right?” Griffin held my arm.
“Got a little dizzy for a second.” I took a couple of breaths to try and settle down. “I bought the house, Law is here, so yes, I want this to be my home base, but as you said, things are complicated.” Law and I had spoken a lot about my coming out, but it was only the first of our hurdles. It was a lot to ask him to be with someone who did what I did. All the time apart had been hard on him before. Hard on me too, and I knew it would be even worse now, so yeah, no matter how we felt, things weren’t cut-and-dried.
I didn’t want to think about that. I wanted to live in this fantasy world Law and I created, where how we felt about each other was all that mattered.
After my hike with Griffin, I went straight to Law’s place. Bear jumped all over me, accepting me as part of his home, his life. It was incredible how animals could do that. That they didn’t judge people or want anything from someone except love and food.
I took a quick shower, then settled on the couch. When I brought Mom’s name up on my phone, I realized how long it had been since I’d actually called her and not the other way around. Guilt flooded my insides for a moment before I decided to cut myself some slack. We talked a couple of times every week. It wasn’t as if I’d abandoned her.
“Hey, baby,” she said as soon as she picked up. “How’s my boy?” As always, she spoke slowly, her words measured and shaky.
“I’m doing good, Mom. I hear you are as well.”
“Eh, same old, same old. Your brother and sister are making me crazy. Les wrecked her car again.”
“Yeah, I know.” Which reminded me I hadn’t heard from my sister since I put twenty thousand dollars in her bank account.
“Anyway, I want to hear about you.”
I smiled. “I can do you one better. I’m coming to see you on Sunday.” Law was off Sunday and Monday, so we figured those would be the best days to go.
I could hear the excitement in her voice when she said, “Ooh! You don’t know how happy that makes me! It’s been too long, Remington.”
It really had. It was one thing when I was traveling or on tour, but now I was only a few hours away. “I’ll do better. And listen…I’m going to bring a friend with me.”
She paused for a moment. I was certain she hadn’t expected to hear that. “Is it someone special? That Brittany girl? Are you finally going to settle down and make me a grandma?”
Because it always had to go back to that. Not that my mom pushed for grandchildren, but when she looked at me, she didn’t even consider the possibility that I might be with anyone other than a woman. I couldn’t say I didn’t deserve part of the blame in that, as I’d never been honest with her, but it mostly boiled down to that not having been our reality. We’d had no one but the church, and the idea of someone coming out in our hometown was unimaginable.