Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 155798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 779(@200wpm)___ 623(@250wpm)___ 519(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 155798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 779(@200wpm)___ 623(@250wpm)___ 519(@300wpm)
“How you doing?” She used her low voice, her serious voice for when she was checking in with me and wanted the truth.
Vicky had never been a helicopter foster mom, but she was there. She’d watch, and she didn’t miss much, but she also gave me space. I was someone who needed space. Howard was similar, though he was quicker with a joke and more eager to have a beer. He was a one beer at night kind of guy. Just one. If they went to social gatherings or had friends over, he might indulge in two, but that was the limit. Vicky wasn’t a drinker. She said she’d never understood the appeal. She liked having all her faculties operational, but she always made sure she had the kind of beer Howard liked stocked. They were a team, a tight unit. They took their jobs raising children very seriously, like it was their purpose in life to raise kind, smart, assertive, and healthily balanced kids.
If I hadn’t met them, I didn’t know if I’d believe people like them existed. I was grateful.
Because of all of that, and maybe because I had Miss Sylvia Rivera in my arms, I told Vicky about the date. I told her about Brett. I told her about how I’d reacted to him, how I wasn’t myself with him.
She sat for a beat, listening. “You’re picky about who you let into your life. You were in a rough situation until you came to us, but I always knew your soul was good. You were kind. You were thoughtful. You were smart. But you’d been hurt. Your soul was wounded, but I knew all I needed to do was love you. So I did. I loved you, and I will always keep loving you. You never wanted to be a problem.”
She thought for a moment. “No, no… We fostered a few other kids before you. Sometimes there were behavioral problems, which made sense. It wasn’t their fault. Your problem was that I needed to make sure you wanted to live. I’m not saying you had thoughts like that, but your candle was barely flickering. I never wanted it to be snuffed out, and the way I kept it getting brighter and brighter was love. That was it. Some kids need structure. It helps clear out the chaos in their mind. But not you. Just loving you.” Her smile was fond. “I know some of what you went through, but I know there has to be more that you’ve never said a word about. Probably never said a word to anyone. I have to say, sitting here, having coffee with you, seeing you with this glow on your face, with Miss Sylvia Rivera in your lap, and hearing how this Brett guy made you act like not yourself, I can’t help but wonder if maybe he’s the first one to get the real you out of you?”
My vocal cords froze.
We’d had other heart-to-hearts like this. I was well aware of how Vicky loved me, how she thought of me. And she was right. I’d never wanted to be a bother because I’d learned I was always a bother. No matter the therapy I’d gone through, some of that was always going to be with me. I’d accepted it. But it was minimal, which I was proud of. Maybe because of the nightmare, some of it felt stronger than usual today.
“Thank you, Vicky,” I whispered, unable to say anything else.
Her eyes were wet. She nodded, finishing her coffee. “You’re going to have to bring him for family dinner, you know.” She sighed. “Howard will want to have a beer with him and talk football. Warn your man ahead of time about how Howard can be about sports.”
“I will.”
“What do you have going on for the rest of the day? Besides communicating with this man of yours.”
I told her about some of my clients, about the projects I needed to work on today.
She nodded. “Lo was rooting for Travis, but I think she’ll be over the moon about this new one too.”
“I gotta call her.”
“Call her before she gets done with work, or you know she and Roger will come over for dinner again. Though I wouldn’t complain about that.” She gave another nod before standing and coming around to my side of the table. She brushed my hair from my forehead, gave me a soft kiss, and bent down to take Miss Sylvia Rivera out of my lap. “I’ll switch you, Miss Sylvia Rivera for the coffee cup.”
She stepped down and was a few feet away when I called her name.
She turned around.
“You were the best thing that ever happened to me,” I told her. “I love you too.”
Another soft smile filled her face, her head tilting to the side. “I’ve always known that, Billie. You love people as soon as you meet them; they just don’t realize it. But I knew—took one look at you and felt all the love you wanted to give the world. I consider myself real lucky that I was the one who got to raise you.”