Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“We need to talk.”
Was his voice always that grown, that mature? He sounded nothing like the boy I met so many years ago, but this new tone was even more distracting. Reign your ass in, little girl; this is the enemy; proceed accordingly. “I have nothing to say to you.”
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I never expected to talk to him or even see him again. This felt almost surreal, and maybe that’s why I couldn’t think of what to say.
The last time we saw each other, we were very much in love. I was making plans for our future together, and there is where I’d been for the past five years. Because I’d never had any real closure, I’d been living in limbo without realizing it, but wasn’t it too late?
I was about to walk away and go back to the other side of the house where he couldn’t see me, and I wouldn’t have to look at him. But then I saw the look on his face; I’ve always been a sucker for a sullen Ryder, and why should now be any different? Still, I’m not so dumb as to give into whatever the hell this is. “Please, Elena, it’s important. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t serious.”
Now, what in the hell could whatever was going on with him have to do with me? I snatched the door open but kept it closed enough that he couldn’t get in unless he went through me, which with the way I was feeling, I almost hoped he’d try. “What is it? What the hell do you want now?” Oh yes, there was the anger I needed to deal with his unexpected visit. Asshole probably thought he still had the right to just show up like he used to.
“Are you really going to leave me standing out here in the cold?” “It’s L.A. It can’t be that cold, and besides, no one invited you.” Am I really standing here having a normal conversation with him? I wish I could remember half the things I’d planned on saying to him, but words failed me. If only I could run upstairs and grab my journal, I’d have plenty to say; it was all in there. But for the life of me, I don’t know what the frig to say to him, even in anger. I’d forgotten every word in the English language.
I refused to even look at him as he stood there, not saying a word, just staring at me like this was some stupid Romcom, and I was just going to fall all over myself to forgive him. But before I knew it, my mouth opened, and the unrehearsed version of everything I’d ever wanted to say to him came tumbling out.
“Listen, I loved you once, okay, and you broke me. That chapter in both our lives has been closed; I think I even burned the book. So, whatever this is, I don’t want any part of it. If you’re hurt,” I looked him over as if looking for blood, “find a hospital.”
“You don’t mean that; you wouldn’t send me away if I was hurt.” “You don’t look hurt to me.” Is he for real?
“What if my injury was somewhere you couldn’t see?” “I would care even less.” I started to close the door and go on with my life because I was not in the mood to deal with him.
Why wasn’t he on his knees groveling and begging for my forgiveness? Knowing him, he probably did think that it was as easy as just showing up and picking up where we left off. What is it that Olivia Pope once said? Oh yeah, “Speaking to me is a privilege; you don’t have that privilege. Goodbye.”
“You wouldn’t do that; you’re too kind.” He put his foot in the door to keep me from closing it, and I saw red. How was he standing there acting so unaffected while I felt like a complete fool? Why did I say all those things that I just said? I never intended for him to know how much he’d hurt me. I wanted to appear just as unmoved as he seemed to be.
But that kindness he mentioned was working against me because my heart felt as if it was going to explode, and even my deep-rooted anger wasn’t enough for me to treat him the way he had treated me. I was so mad at myself for not being strong enough, and tears gathered in my eyes—tears that I willed away because I refused to let him see me cry.
“Yes, I’m kind, but kindness doesn’t stop me from being human, with all the other emotions that human beings are allowed to have. I loved you more than my own life, and when you threw me away in front of the whole universe, you destroyed me. And now that I’ve finally picked up all the pieces that were missing and put myself back together to be a better and stronger me, here you come. I have no interest in entertaining your narcissistic ass, so please, do yourself a favor and get fucked.”