Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“This was a mistake. I can’t do this.
“Okay, fine, let’s get out of here then.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah, if you can’t do it, I’m not going to force you. That’s not what friends do. So come on. I’ll make some sort of distraction while you sneak out the back.”
“But wait, wait a minute. Everyone did so much to make this happen. There’s so much that went into this. How can I let all those people down? I can’t… Oh, you’re good.”
“Who me? What did I do? I haven’t said a word.” She zipped her lips with a straight face, but I wasn’t buying it.
“You still wanna get out of here, kid? You don’t have to think about anyone or anything else. Just think about yourself and what you wanna do. If you stay, fine. If you leave, that’s also fine. Your choice.” I took a deep breath and tried to remember everything I’d learned in my mental health sessions with others who were suffering the same as me.
Of course, now that I needed it, my mind kept drawing a blank. But their faces, the faces of all those men and women who’d found the bravery to speak their truth in a circle of strangers, will never fade. How many more were out there, just like me? Without a voice, with no one to speak up for them.
“I’ll do it.” Not for the celebrities sitting out there waiting to get their first look at me in the flesh since they watched my life explode catastrophically before their eyes three and a half years ago. But for those countless faceless sufferers who had no voice.
A feeling of calm came over me, and I knew I could do it. The smile on Sydney’s face was further proof that I was making the right choice. “Come on, let’s get you ready.” I kept myself from thinking about anything other than those faces. Through my makeup touchup, a few breathing exercises, and voice checks, I thought only of those faces in that circle and held onto my calm.
I heard nothing else that went on, listening only for my name. I knew it was close because Sydney disappeared from my side with a quick kiss on my cheek. I didn’t hear the words she said because I’d gone slightly deaf and numb by this point.
I walked out on that stage with my heart thundering. The lights were blinding, and the roar of the crowd sounded more like rushing waters than human voices. I opened my mouth and started to sing the song by rote, but even I could hear the strain in my voice.
The first few lines came out shaky and amateurish, and then it happened. My eyes, though I’d promised to keep them trained in one spot and stay there, had drifted right into his. Oh fuck I’m going to die right here. Floor, just open up and swallow me, please. I heard Sydney’s voice call out to me in the crowd, drawing my gaze away from his and onto her.
The fear drifted away little by little; then the shakes became less and less until my voice gained strength, and I let the words and the music wash over me. Midway through, though, when it was almost time to sing the new song that had not been released anywhere, I started having second thoughts.
Though it was hard to hide the fact that the first song was all about him and what he’d done to me, the next one was all about my glow-up. I’m not feeling very glowy right now. Still, there was no way to stop it now, no way out.
I closed my eyes as the final strains of the first song came and segued into the next effortlessly. The roar of the crowd almost drowned me out and helped me get through it until the end. I barely remember walking off the stage or what happened next.
It was over; I’d done it, and from the sound of the crowd out there, not to mention the standing ovation, I hadn’t made a complete ass of myself. The rest of the night was a blur. The after party that I wanted no part of, the many compliments and congratulations that I fielded from people I once knew, it all just went by relatively fast, and I was able to make my escape in a decent manner and without drawing too much attention to myself.
“Did you see the look on Ryder’s face? He couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” I looked at Rachel, and the words I wanted to say got lost in my throat, and my tongue felt too heavy.
“Why the fuck would you say something like that to her right now?” Sydney yelled and wrapped her arm around me protectively.
“I wanna leave; I wanna go home. Get me out of here, please.”