Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“Why do you think? Didn’t you hear anything I just said? He’s still in love with you. She must’ve seen it, and now the whole world knows. There are still enclaves on the Internet of millions of people who are still rooting for the two of you.”
“But he married her. I lost.”
“And he’s been miserable ever since. You said yourself that you never really got any closure, that you still don’t know why he did it. Maybe there’s something there that we know nothing about, something that he was too upset to talk to you about.”
What could that be, though? I’d spent hours, days trying to figure it out, but there was nothing, not even with all the mean girl posts that had been floating around for years. There was never anything conclusive that I could hang onto and say this, this is what it was all about.
“And by the way, you didn’t lose shit. Let’s face it; your ex was a drug-addicted narcissistic asshole who didn’t have the first clue how to appreciate you. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying he didn’t love you; I know he did. But maybe he wasn’t in the right place at the time.”
“I know you’re right, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. And it still hurts so bad. I try hard to pretend, but if there’s anything I’ve learned after doing this documentary, it’s that I can’t hide from life.”
“And you shouldn’t, but I have a question. It’s pretty serious, and I almost don’t think I should even ask. I think I already know the answer, but since you’re feeling strong enough to share, I’m dying to ask.”
“Why are you beating around the bush? That’s not like you; just spit it out.”
“You know me so well. Okay, so here goes. If he, Ryder, should change his ways, get his act together, ditch the twit, would you take him back?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“I knew it.”
“No, but wait, wait, he’d have to have a very good reason for getting a divorce, and I definitely wouldn’t cheat on him. And he’d have to be all the way clean, and we’d have to get some sort of counseling.”
“My dear little chicklet, I think thou doth protesteth too much.”
“No, but you know what I’m saying. I couldn’t say this to anyone else. but with you, I can be myself; I can be honest…. Hello, who’s out there?”
“What?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I thought I heard footsteps.”
We both looked at the door as if expecting it to open, both forgetting that it was locked. Sydney got up to go check and came back empty-handed. “No one is out there.”
“It’s fine. I just thought I heard something. Anyway, back to what we were talking about. It feels good to be this honest, this open. If I’d said that to anyone else, I’d never hear the end of it. Everyone else seems to think that I should automatically hate him for what he’s done, and though I am extremely pissed off at him, I can’t just switch off ten years of love and devotion. Not like he so easily did anyway.”
“That’s just it. It doesn’t look like he switched it off at all. There’s something else that I’m not sure I should share, but you’ll hear about it anyway at some point.”
“Oh, shit, what is it?”
“He doesn’t look well.”
“What do you mean?”
“Okay, I didn’t say anything before for obvious reasons, but it’s a known fact that he’s looked like death since the day he got married to her.”
“What do you mean? Like sick from the drugs?”
“That’s part of it, sure, but there’s something else going on. Almost like he’s under some heavy shit; he looks like the walking dead. His eyes always seem glazed over; he just doesn’t look like himself.”
“Oh no, why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I think this is part of your healing, he was a big part of your past, and you yourself admit that you still have feelings for him, so I thought you should know, or at least hear it from me and not some rag.”
“You’re right, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better. You know I only want what’s best for him. Now I’m not sure what’s worst. Thinking that he’d moved on from me or believing that he’s in some kind of danger.”
“If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t matter. Is there any chance that you can give up caring about that heel in this lifetime? Why don’t you go out on a date?”
“Sydney! You know I have no interest in dating anyone. Those days are behind me.”
“How can you say that? You’re still young, you’re gorgeous, and you have a lot to offer.”
“I’m also very ill, still getting over a very bad, very public breakup; who’s gonna want to go out with me and all my baggage?”