Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 101254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Or when I got a warm tingle when Ben smiled at me at the diner.
Skye leans into me and gives me a side hug. “I really appreciate this, Tess. I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“I’m okay. Truly. I want you to have an amazing long weekend that you’ll never forget.”
Skye smiles broadly. “I’m so excited! I’ve always wanted to go to Jamaica.”
“Well…” I look down at my watch. “Looks like we’ll be there in a couple hours.”
“We will. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you have an amazing time.”
I reach toward her then, grab her hand. “No. You don’t worry about me at all. This weekend is for you, Skye. For you and Braden. You have a wonderful time. Please. Don’t worry about me.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’ll always worry about you, Tess. You’re part of me. You know that.”
Her words move me. “That takes me back.”
“I know. Spring of senior year, when I was trying to decide whether to go back to Kansas or to stay in Boston. You sat me down, looked me straight in the eye, and told me you wanted me to stay but you’d be okay with whatever I decided.”
I smile, and this time, it’s not forced. “Except I was really trying to get you to stay.”
“I know.” She chuckles. “You said, ‘Wherever you end up, you’ll always be a part of me.’ I never forgot those words, Tess. Even when you thought I had.”
Skye is referring to a rough patch we had recently, but I don’t want to go there, so I draw in a breath. “Just promise me you’ll have a great time. That’s all I ask.”
“I will. We both will.” She beams. “Dinner will be served in a minute. If you need anything, you let me know.”
“Of course.”
But I won’t. She doesn’t need to be worrying about me. I should be the least of her concerns.
Skye rises then and returns to her seat next to Braden.
The two of them put their heads together and talk, presumably about me.
And damn it.
I do not want to be the subject of Skye’s unhappiness. I don’t want her focusing on me. I want her beaming like she did a moment ago.
Ben himself brings my dinner to me and then sits down beside me as Marissa, one of the flight attendants, serves him as well.
“I hope you don’t mind a dinner companion,” he says.
“No, I don’t, because I need to talk to you.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Of course, what is it?”
“I need you to make sure that Braden and Skye aren’t worried about me. This long weekend has to be about them.”
He nods. “I couldn’t agree more, Tessa.”
“So what do we do? How do we get them to quit focusing on me?”
He shrugs. “You need to have a good time. If they see you enjoying yourself, they won’t worry.”
I roll my eyes. “I know you won’t believe me, but I’m trying.”
“I do believe you,” he says. “And you’re right. I don’t know how you’re feeling. But like I said before, I’ve wrestled with my own demons, Tessa. It’s not always easy. But there’s one thing that keeps me going.”
Right. His demons. Those demons he mentioned the other day. The demons I questioned him about, that he said he might tell me about someday. “What’s that?” I ask, genuinely curious now. “What keeps you going?”
He takes my hand, and for once I don’t think about pulling away. He places it on his chest. “It’s knowing that my heart still beats.”
My lips part. I want to say something, but I have no idea what.
“Life, Tessa. Life is a gift.”
“I’m not going to disagree with you, but your life is pretty easy, Ben. You have everything in the world. Literally.”
“I didn’t always.” He squeezes my hand that’s still touching his chest. “Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful for my fortune. For everything good that has happened to me. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t fought demons.”
I don’t want to fight forever, though. I’m tired of fighting. “Have you won against them?”
He pauses a moment, his forehead wrinkling. “It’s not winning that’s important. It’s moving forward. The journey. It’s not letting them eat at you, suffocate you.”
“Good to know that’s possible.”
He smiles. “It’s not only possible, Tessa. It’s necessary. It’s necessary because you’re a beautiful and vibrant woman, and you deserve to have a life that you love. So make a deal with me, okay?”
A deal… “And what would that be?”
“This weekend, you have a good time. I’m not saying to forget what happened to you. That’s not possible. Believe me, I know. But have a good time in spite of that.”
“Depression isn’t something that you can turn on and off.”
He nods. “That’s correct. You can’t turn it on and off. But what you can do is choose how to deal with it when it happens. Instead of sitting in your room eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, you can be active. Go on a run. Walk by the beach. We’re going to be on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.”