Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 101254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
“Hey!”
“I love you, Ben! Why on earth don’t you want to hear that?”
“Because…” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “Because it just makes this harder.”
“What?” I cup his cheek.
His eyes are glassy, almost as if he’s hiding unshed tears.
I look into the room. It’s littered with empty liquor bottles, and his bed is covered with dirty dishes and food crumbs.
My God. He’s in bad shape.
He’s known this was coming for a while.
“Ben…what is it?”
“Oh, Tessa. Damn it all. I wanted to help you. You were so lost, and I wanted…”
“You did help me, Ben.” I lay a hand on his chest. “You showed me what’s truly important. That my life is far from over. That even though I can’t change what happened to me, I can change my attitude about it. I can choose happiness.”
“I’m so glad you found happiness, Tessa.”
“I found it with you.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t understand. I’ve done terrible things. And now the whole world knows about it.”
“I think you’ve made mistakes. Like all of us have. You’re flawed. But you’re the flawed man I love. I never even understood love before you. I mistook physical feelings, infatuation, for love. But with you—”
“Stop!” he roars. “Just stop it! I can’t take it.”
My lips tremble. “Ben, I won’t let you do whatever you think you’re going to do here. I’m not going to—”
“Don’t you see? You don’t have a choice.”
I smile weakly. “But I do. You taught me that, Ben. You showed me that. I have a choice…and so do you.”
“Tessa, listen to me. The story about me is out. We can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube. Before long, there will be news cameras at my doorstep, a media circus. I just can’t…” He puts his head into his hands.
“You can’t what?”
“It’s not going to be pretty, Tessa. And I don’t want you to have to deal with it. I did something terrible, and I’ve kept it a secret all this time. It’s been eating at me for years. But in truth? I’m glad it’s coming out. Part of me is so damned relieved. And the funny thing is? Without you, I’d never have had the strength to do what I’ve done. Tell my story. Cop to my part in it.”
“Tell me the whole story, Ben. I only heard a little from those two jerks, and I was only listening to the news for a few minutes before I came over. What’s your side?”
He leads me to his living room and onto his couch. “Sit down.”
But he doesn’t sit next to me.
He’s creating distance between us.
I don’t like it.
Words pour out of him, then.
Jumbled words, but I get the gist.
Seventeen and stupid.
Tired of working so hard.
Got in with a bad crowd.
Robbed a warehouse.
David’s brother, Dirk, stabbed and killed an escaped convict who walked in on them.
Teeth.
Tarp.
Dumped in the bay.
No body recovered.
No charges.
My skin freezes.
Ben. My Ben.
How could he?
I was sure Garrett and David were spouting lies. Or at least embellishing.
But every gritty detail was true, except that Ben didn’t do the killing.
Ben is devastated. This is eating at him. Has been eating at him for so long.
Ben Black. Jovial Ben Black. All this time hiding a terrible secret that’s been gnawing his insides out. Those demons he talked about when we first met? The demons I doubted he could ever have? They were real. So real.
“So you see?” he finally says. “I have to let you go, Tessa. You deserve so much more than someone broken like me.”
I rise, pace around his living room a few times.
“Go,” he says. “I know you want to.”
Really? That’s what he thinks? I absolutely do not want to leave, and I won’t.
I turn, face him, and I hope he can see the fire inside me. “I don’t want to go, Ben.”
“This story is going to be in every rag in the country by the end of tomorrow. All over the internet. I’m going to be swamped with reporters following me around. Lies will be told, Tessa. And the truth is bad enough.”
I sit down on his knee, cup his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You have to. I won’t put you through this.”
“I’ll go willingly.”
“No.” He rises, setting me on my feet. “I won’t let you. This isn’t your problem. You’ve been through enough, with Garrett, that asshole David Conrad—”
“I didn’t even remember David Conrad until recently,” I say. “Even after Garrett, I didn’t remember.”
“Only when you met me.” He rubs his forehead. “Look what I’ve done to you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Maybe I had to remember him once I met you. Maybe I had to be whole, whether that’s good or bad, to be with you. To be with the love of my life.”
He grabs me then, crushes our mouths together in a raw and passionate kiss.
But he breaks it just as quickly. “You are everything to me, Tessa. You’re the reason why I was able to face this. To tell my story. And that’s the reason I have to let you go.”