Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 133224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
What?
“You’re a pole vaulter?” Herman gasps.
“Best in the land.” Blake smirks as his equilibrium returns. “She nearly made the Olympic team, but then . . . she didn’t.” He shrugs.
I tip my head back and drain my margarita glass as I try to think on my feet.
“Ruby, did you know that Blake’s first job was in a piercing parlor?” I ask.
“It was?” Ruby gasps as she looks between me and Blake.
“Yes, he did his training in Vegas,” I reply.
“Vegas?” She frowns.
“Yes, they practice on all the drunk men.”
“What did you pierce?” Ruby asks.
“Penises,” I blurt out. “Shriveled-up, drunk penises.”
A swift kick connects with my shin, and I drop my head to hide my smile.
“That’s where I got the idea of being a doctor,” Blake says.
“Because putting holes in things that shouldn’t have holes in them is so similar to being a doctor.” I nod seriously. “Your thought process is truly fascinating.”
Blake glares at me across the table, and I smirk.
“Let’s go to the bar and get a round of drinks, Rebecca.” Blake pushes his chair out.
“Now?” I frown.
“Now,” he snaps as he pulls me up by the hand. “Back in a minute.” He smiles to our dates. He drags me around the corner to the bar. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?” I whisper angrily. “Pole vaulter? You couldn’t think of anything better than a fucking pole vaulter?”
“Two cosmos and a margarita and a draft beer, please,” he tells the waiter.
“Sure thing.”
“It would have been nice to know that I’m your brother.”
“I forgot to tell you.”
“And if that dweeb tries to high-five me one more time, I’m breaking his hand.”
“Oh please,” I scoff with a roll of my eyes. “You’re always so dramatic.”
“He is not ex-army. He’s ex–fucking weirdo, that’s what he is.”
My mouth falls open in horror. “What a horrible thing to say. What the hell is with your date, anyway?”
“What about my date?” he scoffs.
“A brain surgeon who looks like Barbie.” I narrow my eyes. “You don’t think that’s a little bit over the top . . . even for you?”
“Are you jealous?”
“Ha,” I spit. “Jealous of her?” I put my hands on my hips in outrage and wobble my head around. “No.”
“Well, you should be,” he whispers angrily. “She’s perfect for me.”
“Good. Go marry her, then.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Ha.” I turn toward the bar. “Wait until she sees your pig-on-a-spit cock. She’s going to run for the hills.”
“What?” His eyes nearly pop from his head.
I throw my head back and laugh. “That’s the best comeback of all time.”
Unable to help it, he bursts out laughing too. “Agreed.”
“Listen, I’m eating dinner, and then I’m getting the hell out of here because I do not like Herman.”
“Good idea.” He nods. “Neither do I.”
“You liked him until he was ex-army.” I put my hands on my hips. “Maybe it’s you who’s jealous.”
“Jealous,” he scoffs. “Of him?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I think you are.”
“I think you’re on crack.”
“Listen.” I look around guiltily. “When we get back to the table, go to the bathroom and text Chloe and ask her to call me at the table with a fake excuse to leave.”
“Okay.” He nods. “Good plan.”
An hour and a half and a million high fives later, the plan comes into play.
My phone rings on the table, and Blake snatches it up before I can answer it. “Hello.”
He listens. “Hi, Dad.”
I frown. What’s he doing?
“Oh, really? Shit.” He listens. “Yeah, okay.” He nods, all serious. “No, it’s okay. We can do that. We’re on our way.”
He puts his hand over the phone as he plays along. “It’s Nana.”
“Nana?” I frown.
“She’s fallen down a flight of stairs.”
“Oh no,” Ruby gasps.
“See you soon, Dad. We’re on our way.”
He hangs up the phone. “Well, this is a real downer.” He shrugs sadly. “I’m so disappointed.”
I roll my lips to hide my smile. He is the worst liar in the history of all liars.
How have I never seen this before?
“Herman, do you think you could possibly drop Ruby at home?” he asks.
“Sure thing.”
“You two should go for a drink or something,” I suggest.
“Yeah.” Herman’s eyes light up in excitement. “We should.”
Ruby’s eyes flick between Blake and him. “Ahh.”
“Yes, do that.” Blake nods. “It’s only fair. Don’t let us spoil your fun.”
“Oh.” She shrugs. “I guess so.”
Ha ha, sucked in, Ruby.
You arrive in a Porsche with a hot date, and you go home in a pimped-out Kermit the Frog with a serial high-fiver.
“We should get going,” Blake tells me as he stands. “My apologies, guys. Have a fun night.”
Herman stands, and I give him an awkward hug. Ruby stands, and Blake kisses her quickly on the lips. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay.” She swoons. “I look forward to it.”
Blake grabs my elbow and escorts me out of the restaurant and onto the street. “Are you ever calling her?” I whisper.