Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 72853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
I need him inside me, even if that’s not an option. I need something of his inside me. His fingers. His tongue. My fingers and his together.
He still has his knee between my legs, which makes it so I can’t reach much of him. But I need to. I need to change this position. This is about both of us, not just me. I want to make Rick feel good. I want him beneath me in every way I’ve imagined. I want to be on my knees in front of him, stripping away his clothing and—
I have to wriggle out from under him before I explode.
He lets me out, rolling away.
I can tell, as soon as I catch sight of his face as it turns to me, that he thinks I’ve changed my mind. That this is it. He’s too bad, too wrong, too filthy, too much of all the things I could never want. I see the doubt and the instantaneous flash of hurt before he blinks to wipe it away. This is just another rejection for him. Another loss. His jaw is already hard, his face settling into lines of stone. He’s already guarding himself against feeling the sting of it.
I won’t let him do that. I won’t let him hurt like this.
He’s on the other side of the bed, so I scramble up and walk around it. He sits up slowly, watching me, confused about what my next move is. What his next move is.
I tug my shorts down. Followed by my panties. I’m completely soaked and hot between my legs.
“Fucking… god…” he gasps out.
“Come here.” I take his hands and pull him up.
I need to touch him. All over. So I do, memorizing each plane and angle. I tip my head forward and taste him. I run my tongue over the flat of his nipple. Then down, down until I sink to my knees. I’m lucky enough that his jeans give way under my fingers, and I don’t have to work at them. I pull them down. His boxers too. He’s too stunned to fight me.
He steps out of them, one leg at a time, and then he lets me push him down to sit at the edge of the bed.
I think he’s so tired that his brain isn’t processing as fast as it should be. I don’t think he’d let me do this if he wasn’t freaking exhausted. How many days can a person stay awake before their health is literally at risk?
When I climb on top of him, spreading my legs so freaking wide to fit him between me, he finally starts to fight me. He takes my shoulders when I bend. I wrap my hand around his cock, curling my palm around his shaft. He’s ridiculously huge. He tries to get his hand around me, but I knock it away.
“Rick?”
He groans. “Yes, Aspen?”
“I’m sure about this. So fucking sure. Surer than any kind of sure that was ever sure. But I need to know you’re okay.”
“I’m not okay. I’m not.”
God. “Are you okay with this?” I release him and arch back, naked and unashamed. He devours me, his eyes sweeping over me like he needs to memorize every single detail before I vanish. I brush my fingertips over the muscles in his thighs. They start to shake as soon as I touch them. He’s still trembling.
“Fuck.” He throws both hands up to his face and over his eyes. “I want you. I shouldn’t want you, but I do. I want to touch you. I want to worship you. I want you as the goddess you are. I’m going to sully you. I’m going to break you. I’m going to—”
I put my hand over his mouth. Instead of telling him to stop it, to stop saying those things, things that aren’t true and that I don’t want him to believe because they’re hurting him so very badly, I scoot forward and replace my hand with my mouth.
I kiss him softly for the first time tonight. I try to kiss healing into him. The goodness and light that will come in and soak up all those hard memories and work their way into the cracks in his soul.
His erection is trapped between us, and he throbs against my stomach. I can feel the wetness of him seeping between us. I’m wet too, so wet and so hot, but my heart and chest hurts too.
“Rick.” I kiss his lips and then his cheek. His nose. His other cheek. I kiss his forehead and his temples. I taste the salt there and feel the wetness.
He covers his eyes, but he’s not crying. They’re just…leaking a little. I know he wouldn’t want me to think he’s capable of it.
I kiss my way back to his cheeks, then his jaw, and down his neck. “No dirt, Rick. Nothing. Only you. It’s only you, and you taste wonderful. I love kissing you.” He groans like he’s in pain. He reaches for me, running his hands down my arms and up again. His body is hot, and he’s still shaking slightly. I press my lips to the spot right above his heart. “It’s just warm skin here. I can feel your heartbeat.” I press my hand there, letting the thumps kick against my palm. “It’s a beautiful, regular heartbeat. Nothing black here.”