Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 72853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
I sit down on the edge of the desk and try not to fall over due to my useless legs as Rick’s eyes scald the shit out of me.
He leans back in his chair and feigns disinterest, but I can already read him. I know better. I know that when he starts putting on a show of not wanting me, that’s exactly the time when he does.
I watch the muscles in his jaw jump as he clamps it down. I spread my legs a little further apart, trying to be sexy. I’m probably failing, but as far as seduction goes, I’m pretty inexperienced.
“We shouldn’t do this.” Rick’s voice is iron. His jaw is iron. His eyes are hard but not cold. Rather, they’re ten thousand degrees of molten hot heat. If I was the stove and he was the spaghetti sauce, he’d be burned, burned, burned by now.
That was the last thing I tried to cook at home before I left to come here. And let’s just say the sauce didn’t turn out as expected. I kind of walked away thinking the burner was on low when it was on high, and things got roasted and blackened like I was using a smoker and a barbeque instead of a regular old stove.
“It’s only going to make things harder,” he adds after a slow inhale. I know he’s doing his measured breathing thing. It’s another trick of his. I like that I can already tell these things about him after just a few days together.
“On who? On me? I don’t think so.”
“I think so. You seem like you value commitment. You seem like once you get attached, that’s it.”
“You’re right.” I widen my legs a little bit more until my thighs start to burn a little, and then I go a little bit further. Rick’s eyes shoot straight down between my legs for just a fraction of a second before he jerks them back up. He quickly looks toward the window, but the blinds are closed, and I know he’s seeing nothing. “I do value commitment. And I do get attached. There’s nothing wrong with that. But sexually? That’s something we can work out later if we want to.”
“But we’re not going to want to. We’re not because it’s not—”
“Allowed? I think it’s perfectly allowed,” I say.
I slide my bra straps down my arms and then roll the cups down and undo it from the back before dropping it on the floor. “I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it as many times as it takes. The only thing that matters is if you want this right here and now.”
“That’s not the only thing that matters.”
“Let’s say it is.”
“You know I want you. I want you, and that’s the problem. I’ve always been someone who can go without. I’ve denied myself everything in the past and also been denied everything.” He’s genuinely and wildly perturbed about this. Uncomfortable, just like before.
Maybe I should be uncomfortable with my own lack of control. I should be afraid of how this man and I seem to be more than fire and gasoline, but I refuse to be. I refuse to let fear and doubt have their way with me. When I was younger and had less life experience, maybe. No, I didn’t say sex experience. I said life experience. And in the past year, I’ve had plenty of that.
“No one is denying you this. No one is denying you a friendship after and maybe more,” I tell him.
He sighs. “But that’s the problem. You want more.”
“I don’t want it, Rick, not the way you mean. I just want us to have a good life. I want us to be friends. I want to care about you, and I’m not going to just leave, and that’s it. See ya later, alligator. This is all over. I don’t care anymore, and I’m switching off everything. I want more than a line of communication. I’m open to so much more. I want to do all that without hurting each other.”
I dip my finger in my mouth and roll it over my nipple, pinching hard at the end, which makes me yelp. I didn’t mean to pinch that hard. I’d be embarrassed, except Rick shifts in the chair like his erection needs some room in his jeans. My eyes shoot there, and holy glowing fireflies. Yup, it needs room. That does not even begin to describe the bulge.
I’ve had him inside my mouth and inside me, yet somehow, I’m still shocked. It’s not a memory issue because I have a great memory. I have a torturously good, incredibly vivid, and ultra-detailed memory.
“It’s not going to change my mind about the marriage ending.” He sounds positively strangled.
“We never should have done it in the first place.” This time, I sneak my finger lower. I head toward the waistband of my panties, but I stop and run my finger over the elastic instead of dipping beneath it. Rick’s bulge is still just as huge. He might pretend like he’s not interested, but his body says he seriously is.