Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 72853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Right now, my throat is so damn thick and closed up.
Aspen sets her cup down and puts both hands on her knees. She looks me right in the eyes, and hers are so deep and gentle. They’re always full. Full of all the emotions she feels and welcomes and lives. She’s not afraid of life. There was a time when I wasn’t afraid of anything life could throw at me either because the worst was already behind me. I knew there was never going to be this in front of me, so what did I have to lose?
“You’re always welcome back here, even if you have to go or wherever you choose to go. We hope you’ll stay in touch. Daily. Aspen.”
She laughs, launches herself onto my lap, and kisses my forehead. “Yes, Mom. We will.”
Jesus, this woman. She’s so bold and so unafraid. She’s got courage the likes I’ve never seen before and I’ve known men who have faced down bullets and hostile situations on the daily. It’s not just her parents that she has to face. It’s the weight of life and the expectations of a brother who isn’t here with us, who we loved so much. She has to stare down life while attached to me, and what does she do? She doesn’t just handle it like a darned champ. She out and out claims me.
Rick is mine.
“We will,” I echo, finally feeling brave enough to look her parents in the eyes. “I’ll take care of her. You have my word. I’ll do everything I can to be the man Jace wanted me to be.”
Aspen presses her hands on my shoulders. “We’ll take you just the way you are, but we’d be happy to grow with you. And don’t go off on me about how self-helpish that sounds.”
“Never,” I say.
Aspen’s mom and dad reach for each other and hold hands. They share a meaningful look.
“We didn’t get a chance to have a celebration of life for Jace. We just had his regular funeral, and by regular, I mean it was an honorable funeral for a man who served his country. But I’d like to do something that’s just for family and close friends. Just for all of us who knew him and loved him as more than that,” Aspen’s mom says.
I didn’t go to the funeral. I just couldn’t. Not when I was eaten alive by guilt, but also because if I didn’t, then I could imagine Jace as he was the last time I saw him. I knew the funeral would be formal, stiff, and painful. I knew it would be layered in grief. I knew it wouldn’t be anything even close to what he would have wanted.
“Yes!” Aspen’s cheeks are wet when she looks back at me. Soaking wet. Her tears are flowing, soaking her face, but still, she gives me the smallest smile. “I’ve wanted that, Mom. He would like that so much. His mom would approve, and I know there will be a huge turnout. We can show all the funny videos from when he was younger, talk about the books he loved and the sports he played, and tell the jokes he could never get enough of. And all his friends can share what he meant to them. You’re right. He was so much more than just a soldier.”
She’s been trying to get me to believe the same thing.
But I wasn’t. For the longest time, I was just living a lost life as a civilian, but on the inside, I was still every bit of the soldier I’d always been.
“Are you coming, Rick?”
I loop my arms around Aspen’s tiny frame and lock my fingers behind her back. Yes, I can let this happen. I can let it happen slowly. I can let it seep into me. This hope, these people, the goodness and the love. I can do this. It’s not going to kill me. Rather, it’s going to save me.
“I’ll be there,” I promise. And then, because that’s still not enough, I add, “I’ll be right here.”
Chapter seventeen
Aspen
Epilogue
It’s amazing what love can do for a person.
Rick sleeps through the night. I always thought he didn’t sleep because he didn’t want to dream or have nightmares, but he doesn’t, and I don’t think he ever did. He was just so well trained that he couldn’t make his body cooperate. I also don’t think he ever felt properly safe, and having an expensive security system and a huge, fairly impenetrable house had nothing to do with it.
Once he first started to open up, there was no stopping him. Rick is marvelously kind. He’s one of the most brilliant people I know, and he’s generous. He still cares very much about this country, even if he’s not serving it officially, and he cares about the wider world too. He loves being a part of our family. Nothing is more important to him.