Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 79232 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79232 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
But it doesn’t work that way. Love isn’t about control, or capture, and can never be brought about by force. Love is about letting them go, so they can spread their wings… and fly back to you. Freely.
“Do you have a plan, Nolan?” Cormac asks quietly. His eyes meet mine, and like Keenan’s, I see sympathy behind his gaze. My heart squeezes. I know then, like I’ve known before but now I feel down to my bones, these men would lay down their lives for me. They’d follow me through fire, would give up everything out of loyalty, integrity, and the love of the brotherhood.
I swallow, and my voice is a little husky when I nod my head. “Haven’t worked out the details, yet, but I have an idea.” I face Keenan but address the room. “Help me do this.”
“I’ll do whatever you need me to,” Keenan says. “You have my word, Nolan.”
“And mine,” Boner says.
“And mine,” Tully grunts.
“Goes without saying, mine, too. He’s my brother, you pricks. Don’t one-up me,” Cormac mutters.
“Mine, too,” Carson says with a smile, and Lachlan shakes his head.
“Always making me look like the twat, eh? Mine, too, but it’ll cost you.”
I punch his shoulder but he easily deflects.
“A fucking pint, brother, not your little redheaded firstborn,” he says.
We settle down, talk out our options. And we make our plan.
Chapter 16
Sheena
We’re out in the garden, surrounded by a sea of green leaves and grass, the sun beating down overhead, and for one brief moment in time, I try to hold onto this.
I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I don’t expect good things, like family, and peace, laughter and joy. The comforts of home and a good meal prepared for me and served amidst the companionship of others. And here, at the McCarthy household, they have that, every damn day.
And I want that so badly it makes me ache inside. But it isn’t just me I’m thinking about.
When I see baby Sam smile at Maeve, the way his dimpled arms reach for her and he toddles her way… she smiles at him and bends to lift him, tucks him against her chest and kisses the curls on his head, swaying back and forth as if he brings joy to her heart… I want that for him. He’s had me and Fiona and Tiernan, and for that I’m grateful. But he’s a burden to mum. She doesn’t delight in him the way Maeve does, and dammit… little babies ought to have someone who delights in them.
When I see Fiona’s eyes light up at dinner, when she speaks animatedly to anyone and everyone who’ll listen, when she walks the grounds of the compound and tucks wildflowers in her hair… I want this for her. The safety and security of a family that will protect her, so she’s free to grow with grace from childhood to womanhood.
When I see Tiernan learning the skills the men teach him, sparring with Nolan or Lachlan, I see the man he’s going to become. He takes pride in a job well done, and I haven’t seen that light in his eyes since… well, since dad died, really. And being around these men, who treat him like a brother, has been good for him. The hardened edges to his jaw and eyes soften when he’s in their company. He’s learning loyalty and friendship, self-confidence, and bravery.
I want this for them. Family and friends. Security and comfort.
But I can’t expect that it’s the McCarthy family that can give them any of that permanently.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Damn, it’s hard to doubt things when Nolan comes up behind me. He slips a hand to the small of my back, his touch at once warm and possessive.
“Oh, nothing,” I lie, but my words stick in my throat. I’ve built a fortress of protection with my lies, and I hate that I’ve let that happen. No matter what it takes, I have to stop it. I have to speak the truth to get the future I want.
“Not nothing, Sheena,” he says, a hard edge to his voice that tells me he knows I’m hiding something. Why is it that he can see straight through me? “Something’s on your mind, doll.”
“Many things are on my mind, Nolan,” I tell him truthfully, though I know I’m being evasive.
He nods, accepting the answer. I exhale in relief. I don’t want him to know how badly my heart breaks for the children in front of us. How much I long to give them comfort and security and the home they need when this eventually ends.
Even if I could bring them all home… I wouldn’t be able to give them this.
“How did your interview go?” he asks, but his eyes are distant, and he doesn’t look at me when he speaks, like he’s hiding something. He’s turned away from me, a distant look in his eyes that tells me he’s troubled. I look at him curiously. I’ve learned to read his body language well.