Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 107944 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 540(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107944 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 540(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
I’d spent the next few months in that same strange feeling of loneliness. I kept busy because that was the best way to keep her off my mind, but when I returned to my quiet house, too many thoughts would flood my mind.
So more bourbon, more quietness, more thoughts.
I felt as if I was going to go insane. That was when my mother called me and said she saw an interview with me from the week prior. She’d told me she saw it in my eyes—the sadness.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“You’re not,” she argued. “You’re going to play Superman, Aiden, and this is a huge deal, but still… you’re sad.”
“No one else has mentioned me looking sad.”
“No one else is your mother, so come home for a while. Take a break. Winning the world over isn’t worth losing yourself, so please… come home.”
I disagreed for a while until I realized that she was right. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt so far from myself that I saw a stranger when I looked in the mirror. I didn’t even see a glimpse of who I used to be.
So I packed my bags and headed back to Wisconsin.
22
Hailee
* * *
Six months ago, Aiden texted me.
He won an Oscar.
My hand shook nonstop as I saw Aiden’s message come through my phone.
Of course, I knew he’d won the Oscar. Aiden was quite the trending subject after his epic win. As I watched it unfold in front of my television screen, I felt my heart bursting with excitement. My heart also burst a bit with sadness, because I saw the slight panic attack he was living on that stage. Over the years, he’d become better at hiding his panic attacks. I’d watched all his videos online, though, and could still spot them. Nobody studied that man more than me—even from a distance.
My poor Aiden…
Not mine, Hailee. Not mine.
Still… I missed him.
I thought the missing aspect would dissipate over time, but it didn’t. It only grew quieter.
Even though it had been over five years since we’d stopped talking, I still loved that man. It was a quiet love that moved throughout my life as a whisper. I sometimes wondered if he could ever feel my love for him when the wind brushed against him. I always sent him the best with my thoughts. At some point, we could read one another’s thoughts without issue. We were that close.
Now, he was nothing more than memories that floated around within my mind every now and again. Since I still lived in the small town where we grew up, not a day passed when Aiden didn’t cross my mind. Every little crack of every sidewalk held a memory that he and I shared. I was almost certain that for the remainder of my life, Aiden would live within my thoughts.
Yet seeing that text message pop up?
That caused me a wave of emotions I wasn’t quite ready to deal with.
I read it over a dozen times throughout the past few months. I talked to my therapist about it probably one too many times. I could almost hear his voice, hear his conflictions and tones through the sentence. I could tell he’d been drinking. Of course, he’d been drinking. I doubt that message would’ve come through if he’d been sober.
It was a good thing I hadn’t been drinking, too. Otherwise, I might’ve texted him back, and I knew I had no right to answer. Even though I wanted to. Even though my heart still ached for him after all this time. Even though all I wanted was to give him a hug after the biggest win of his career.
But the world I currently lived in wasn’t the same world I resided in when Aiden was in my life. That version of Hailee that he knew was long gone. I’ve changed, and I was certain that he had, too. I couldn’t currently be a part of his triumphs because years prior, I chose to become his pain.
So I sat in my silence and didn’t reply. I wondered what it must’ve been like for him nowadays, always surrounded by people. His world seemed so magical, packed with color, while mine was so ordinarily…ordinary.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a bad life. I liked the world I’d created.
I’d spent my whole life in the same small town with the same small-town people talking about the same small-town things day in, day out. Over the past few years, most of my time was spent alone reading my romance novels, or with my parents, or working at the Starlight Inn, or with my friend Kate. Those were the ins and outs of my life.
I’d graduated from college last spring with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and I was currently applying to colleges for my master’s degree in child psychology and development. I didn’t get into any of the programs I’d tried for before, but as Mama always said, “Try again and again until you get the result you’re searching for.” So, I was still going hard for my goals. In a way, not getting accepted to the programs lit a fire beneath me. Giving up on myself wasn’t an option. I didn’t care if it took me twenty more years to get my master’s, followed by my PhD. I was going to become one of the best children’s therapists in the country.