Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 107944 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 540(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107944 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 540(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
“Oh. Well. Um, it was nice seeing your place. I better get going—”
I threw a pillow at him. “Shut up and come sit down.”
He chuckled and did as I said. As he sat across from me, he sighed. “I know I should talk to him. I’m just not ready. And I know I shouldn’t have called him Samuel. That was a dick move. Sometimes I’m a dick. Then I’ll replay the dick moment in my head repeatedly and feel bad for my dad even though he did a shit thing.”
“People are messed up. We make mistakes.”
“I don’t think I can handle you siding with my father tonight, Hailee.”
I reached across to him and took his hands into mine. “I’m not siding with him, I swear. I’m on your side, through and through. All I’m saying is that I like to believe people make the best choices they know how to make in the moments they are happening. What your father asked me to do back then was wrong—but maybe he knows better now. I’m sure he’s sorry. We can’t learn from our mistakes if we are never given the grace to show our growth and apologize. I don’t want you to carry the regret of never holding that conversation with your father. I don’t want that to eat at you for the rest of your life.”
His brows lowered. “What if his apology isn’t good enough for me to forgive him?”
“Then at least you held the conversation to come to that understanding. You don’t have to listen to me. You don’t have to talk with your father, but I know you, Aiden. I know this will eat at you forever.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Is this my ego? Keeping me from talking to my dad?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Your decision not to talk to him might be the right one, but you’ll always question it if you don’t hold a conversation. Maybe it’s not your ego. Maybe it’s a boundary, but I think it’s worth figuring out which one it is.”
He scrunched up his nose and locked eyes with me. “How did you get so good at this stuff?”
“Um, a solid five years of therapy did the trick.”
“Do you still go to therapy?”
“I do. I wanted to give myself the best shot at being happy after everything that happened with the bullying. I’m still working on the happy thing. One day at a time.”
“What makes you happy, Hailee?”
I smiled and pulled my knees into my chest. “Little things or big things?”
“Both.”
“When people are walking their puppies, and the puppies have no control on the leash because they are just so excited about everything. Videos of soldiers being reunited with their family members. Hallmark movies. Fireplaces and cocoa in the winter, even though the only fireplace I have currently is the fake one on the television. Children laughing. The stillness of the dawn before the streets get too busy with the morning rush. Doctors who really give a damn about their patients. My mama. Gingerbread cookies. You.”
“Me?”
I nodded. “Somehow, you’re both a little thing and a big thing.” He smiled shyly, and I wanted to remember that smile for a long, long time. It was as if his inner child came out to play for a moment. “What about you? What makes you happy?”
“You.”
I smiled. “You can’t say me just because I said you.”
“I can say you.”
“What else makes you happy?”
“You,” he repeated.
“Me and me?”
Skip away with me, heartbeats.
He nodded. “You and you.”
While that was the sweetest thing, it gave me an idea. I stood from the couch and walked over to my desk, grabbing a notebook and pen. Then, I joined Aiden back on the couch.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m making us a new list.” I began scribbling in the notebook and then held it out to him. His lips turned up as he read the words.
Tom & Jerry’s Ultimate Happiness Bucket List
“While I am honored to be the first and second thing on your bucket list, we are going to make a list for more things to try out in order to get you more things on your list of joy.”
He chuckled. “You’re going to help me get happy?”
I nodded. “I’m going to help you get happy.”
“Jerry?”
“Yes, Tom?”
“I’m in love with you.”
“I’m in love with you, too.” That never stopped. That never went away.
We’d spent the next hour creating the list of things to try over the next few years to help Aiden and me unlock our ultimate level of joy.
Go skydiving
Have Aiden take a drawing class for fun
Build a snow castle
Travel to see the northern lights
Take a cooking class
Say no to more people
Don’t feel bad about saying no
Travel the world outside of work commitments
Hailee gets into a master’s program
Get married
Start a family
As we made the list, we laughed with one another, and it felt as if we were seventeen, sitting between our homes, falling in love with one another all over again. Being loved by that boy felt right.