Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
I couldn't quite explain it, but I felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness then. I wanted to keep her safe.
Amber
I stopped a few feet from Dad, Brian and Zachary, not sure what to say or do to make this less awkward. Dad shifted nervously, running his hand over his bald head, his eyes flitting between Brian and me. I met Brian's gaze and forced a smile. Maybe it would have been a real one of he and Dad weren’t watching me as if I was going to collapse at their feet any moment. After several heartbeats, Brian finally gave me a small smile but he didn’t try to move closer or even hug me. And his smile wasn’t the smile I remembered from when I was little or even from four years ago. He always seemed on the brink of a frown with me.
It had been two months since I’d last seen him. He’d cut his visit during the summer short and had instead spent three weeks in Mexico with a couple of friends. His friend Zachary had been one of them. I risked a quick glance at him. He hovered behind my dad and Brian, but regarded me over their heads. He was missing the caution and worry I usually saw reflected on the faces of people around me. He smiled in response to my scrutiny and I quickly looked away. Embarrassment crawled under my skin at my inability to do something as simple as meet his eyes. The awkwardness turned up another notch and I tightened my hold on my cat in search of comfort.
“It’s good to see you again Brian,” I said eventually, then cringed at how formal that sounded. As if we were distant acquaintances and not siblings. His expression almost brought tears to my eyes. He looked hurt and disappointed. Maybe he’d hoped that I'd changed in those last couple of months, that we could finally be close again.
“Yeah, it’s good to see you too, Am,” he murmured, staring at anything but at my face.
It hurt to see him, to see his disappointment, hurt more than I thought it would. Maybe coming here had been a mistake. I could still turn around, get back into the car and ask Dad to take me back home with him. I could keep hiding, could keep hating every breath I took, could live in my tiny lonely shell of a life until it crushed me.
A feeling of dread settled in my chest, threatening to choke me. All eyes were on me, watching, waiting, worrying. I couldn’t leave now. I couldn’t do that to Brian and Dad.
“So,” Dad interrupted my thoughts and the uncomfortable silence, scratching the back of his head nervously. He’d started shaving his hair off only a few weeks ago because his bald spot had reached the size of a saucer and he hadn’t gotten used to it yet. “Maybe we should go inside.”
“Yes, right. That's a good idea,” Brian agreed eagerly. I couldn't blame him for wanting to escape the situation. My eyes returned to Zachary. What must he be thinking about us, about me, watching this? He hadn’t said anything yet but his blue eyes were attentive, taking it all in. He was even taller up close, definitely 6’3. He didn’t avoid my gaze like my father and brother did, and I felt uncomfortable under his gaze. But that wasn’t unusual. I always felt that way when people stared at me. It made me feel as if they were judging me, but Zachary seemed only curious.
Brian cleared his throat nervously, his gaze shifting between me and his best friend. “That's Zachary,” he said slowly, then he shot Zachary a badly disguised warning glance. “Zachary, that's my sister Amber.”
“Hi Amber,” Zachary said with a grin that lit up his entire face. He had a strong prominent jaw and his face was all angles and sharpness but his eyes and grin took away some of the hardness. “You can call me Zach.”
“Zach,” I confirmed in a bare whisper. He didn’t try to shake my hand or get closer. If I wasn’t mistaken, he hadn’t as much as twitched since I’d reached them. Brian had done his job. He’d probably warned all of his friends and the entire neighborhood of my impending arrival. I scanned the surrounding houses, even the windows, but nobody was trying to risk a peek at the freakshow that was me. I wasn't sure how I felt about Zach and possibly other people knowing what was wrong with me. This was supposed to be a new start, but how was that even possible if everyone knew I was broken? A brief flash of anger at Brian hit me, then it faded. It wasn’t as if Zach wouldn’t have realized that I wasn’t quite right on his own.
“I'll get your belongings,” Dad said, then hesitated. “Okay?”
Warmth spread in my cheeks. If he was worried about leaving me alone with Brian and Zach for a couple of minutes, how was I supposed to survive sharing an apartment with them?
“It’s fine, Dad.” He practically rushed toward the jeep. Zach followed after him at a much slower pace, leaving me alone with Brian. Hesitantly, I tilted my head and looked at my brother, catching him watching me with wistful eyes. I willed the corners of my lips up to wipe that look off his face.
His eyes lit up the slightest bit. “I'm glad you're here,” he said quietly. I wanted to believe him and I knew that he wouldn't deliberately lie to me, but he couldn’t possibly want me in his life, not like this. I was going to mess everything up for him, and for Zach, who was getting in the line of fire without any fault of his own.
“I'm glad, too,” I lied without hesitation. The way Brian looked at me made it clear that he knew I didn't tell the truth. Maybe I wasn’t as good a liar as I thought, or maybe I'd just done it too often. I averted my gaze, unable to bear Brian’s scrutiny, and turned toward Zach and Dad who were heading our way, carrying my two suitcases. If I couldn’t even stand Brian’s closeness for ten minutes, taking that much luggage with me might have been a bit optimistic.