Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 84266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“I thought it was,” Ben admitted, taking Maddox’s hand back, turning it over so that their fingers linked. “And I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get over that. But what makes me happy is you. What makes me strong is you. You in my life, in whatever capacity I can get. Much as it terrifies me, I want that life together. You might be better at dreaming than me, but you’re not alone in wanting that.” Ben’s voice was scarcely more than breath for the final few words. “I want to try. Is it too late to try? I’m not saying that trust is going to be easy—”
“It’s not too late, but I’m not sure I can do this again, not sure I can handle being ghosted for weeks without you even talking to me. That’s what I really need. Us to talk when things get tough.”
“I can do that.” Ben didn’t sound 100 percent certain, but it was a start. This talk had been good, but part of Maddox still hung back, wary. Ben wasn’t the only one with king-size trust issues.
“Can I give you a ride home?” Ben asked.
“I got clearance to drive again. I’ve got my truck,” Maddox hedged.
“I’m coming back in the morning to help you guys. We could ride together.”
Even though things didn’t feel the most settled, Maddox was powerless to resist the temptation of Ben back in the apartment, back in his bed, back in his life.
“I suppose we could find something for you to do,” he allowed.
“I’m not going to let you down,” Ben said, and Maddox could only hope he was right.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ben breathed deep as he entered Maddox’s apartment. It smelled different, due no doubt to the pile of construction and decorating supplies in the center of the living room. Felt different too, like he was entering the space for the first time. His heart galloped in a way it never had before. He’d always known his place here, known that he belonged. But things still felt uncertain between them, despite the talk and the emotional word vomit on his side. Tentative. Like they were both feeling their way forward.
Please let there be a way forward.
“I need a shower. Been working since this morning.” Maddox kicked off his shoes near the door. It was nice to see him in regular shoes, no cast. He still had the cane, but he was relying on it less than when Ben had seen him last.
“Okay.” The old Ben of a few weeks ago would have assumed that was an invitation, but this Ben wasn’t sure what to read into it and didn’t want to spook Maddox. “I’ll just—”
“Don’t be an idiot.” Maddox held out a hand. “Come on. Might as well share.”
“I am a fan of water conservation,” Ben joked, mainly to calm the thumping in his chest. He followed Maddox into the bathroom, which seemed way too small for both of them for the first time since they’d started the whole dating business.
Not looking at Ben, Maddox stripped off his work clothes of ragged jeans and an ancient T-shirt. His right leg was still thinner than the left, muscles not quite back. His hair and beard scruff were shaggier, but the broad planes of his back muscles and solid set of his shoulders were the same. Ben reached out a hand to trace the contours, but Maddox dodged him, cranking the shower to hot.
Ben pulled off his own clothes with unsteady hands. Maybe this was a colossal mistake, coming here, putting it all on the line. His skin felt raw, scrubbed too hard, and he wasn’t even wet yet. The rawness extended to his soul, made him feel naked far deeper than skin, vulnerable in a way he wasn’t sure he’d ever been before.
“Get in here.” Maddox cut through Ben’s thoughts. “Don’t want water getting on the rug.”
“Can’t have that.” Ben’s throat was thick as he climbed into the tub.
“I’ve been sleeping worth shit here.” Maddox grabbed the soap.
“Me too,” Ben admitted, arching into the touch as Maddox started lathering his chest and arms. God, his hands felt so good.
“Heard you’ve been drinking too much.” There was an unsaid question there, one Ben had been expecting.
“I didn’t go out. I owe my dad a liquor cabinet restocking, but I didn’t go out and fuck around if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I...thank you. It shouldn’t make a difference...” Maddox’s fingers dug into his tight neck muscles, made Ben groan.
“But it does. I get it. There’s no one else for me but you. And I’m going to knock off the drinking. Promise. I already told the LT I’d cut it out. But I’m not going to apologize for my past. You say I need to trust, but you do too.”
“I know.” Maddox’s hands continued to work their magic on Ben. “I’m sorry. I’m working on it. It’s just hard to believe that you’d choose me out of all the guys...”