Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75699 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75699 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
“And the inside. It’s a relatively small fishbowl. Everyone knows everyone. The gossip network is crazy. You do one stupid thing, and it follows you for years…” He trailed off, expression going pained.
“What happened?” I asked gently, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. I was too old to get involved with someone closeted, but I couldn’t seem to turn off my care and concern for Declan.
“Other than me being an idiot?” Declan shook his head, gaze locked on a movie poster for a popular cowboy flick. “When I was still an amateur, traveling back and forth between events and school, Billy Hozer asked if I wanted to go jerk off together in the woods. He was slightly older than me, about to turn pro, and I’d been following him all weekend like a damn puppy. So I said, yeah. Should have said no way because he laughed. And told all his buddies. It was a fucking trap.”
“I’m so sorry.” My chest squeezed, and I wanted to touch him in the worst way. “But surely not everyone in motocross is like that.”
“Probably not, but I can’t take the risk.” Declan exhaled hard, chin dropping to his chest as he studied his hands. “The rumor alone dogged me for years. Hell, one of the sponsors asked about it when I first got invited to be on the manufacturer’s team. Luckily, I’d dated enough chicks that my reputation had started to speak for itself. Problem solved.”
“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow, not at all sure this was the flex he thought it was.
“Okay, well, other than the fact that I knew. Knew I looked at men differently than my friends, knew the things that made me hard weren’t all on the straight path, but I just couldn’t…”
His iron-clad control was both amazing and infuriating. Why couldn’t he let himself have what he so clearly wanted? “But the dating women? That was all just show?”
“Sorta?” Declan’s mouth twisted. “I’m not sure. I like women. I’ve always found it way easier to have female friends than to make friends with dudes, especially my fellow riders, but even when I was younger, all my best friends were girls. My sister’s friends were much easier to get along with than the guys in my class. Dating lots of women seemed like the next logical step if one looked beyond the whole me being a terrible kisser and bad in bed thing.”
“Are you as bad in bed as you are at kissing?” I asked pointedly, tilting my head. However, when his face fell, I had to chuckle and soften my tone. “I’m kidding, Declan. You’re not bad at kissing. The other night was…”
“Good?” Declan sounded adorably hopeful, and I had to clench my hands to keep from reaching for him.
“Spectacular.” I groaned because feeding Declan’s ego wouldn’t help, but I also couldn’t lie. “Which is why I’m laughing at the idea that you’re bad in bed.”
“I’m hopeless.” Declan sounded robotic, like he was repeating someone else’s judgment. I already wanted to smack whoever had put that idea in his head. “Or maybe it’s that I’m selfish. I don’t know. I just know it’s easier to lie there and let someone else do the work…” He cut himself off with a frustrated noise, burying his head in his hands. “Okay. Selfish is the better word. But figuring out how to get someone else off is hard work.”
I blinked, trying hard not to chuckle but failing miserably.
“Quit laughing. I’m serious.” Raising his head slightly, Declan glared at me. “You have to think about angles and pressure and order of operations and talking enough but not too much.” His glare reached positively lethal levels. “And you wouldn’t even let me try to get you off.”
“Because it would have been a bad idea, not because I didn’t want to.” I held up my hands, way too close to admitting how quickly I’d jerked off after leaving his room. “And definitely not because I thought you were selfish or wouldn’t be able to make me come.”
“I like knowing that.” Declan straightened, shoulders going back as he puffed like a proud penguin. “Maybe it wouldn’t be as confusing with you.”
The hopefulness in his voice made me shift around on the bed. We were quickly wandering into dangerous territory, but I also couldn’t let him continue thinking he was terrible at sex.
“And I’m also saying that with the right person, it’s not work. Also, not everyone wants or expects you to take the active role.”
“God, when my girlfriends try to teach me, it’s worse.” Missing my point entirely, Declan narrowed his eyes. “Like I said, I’m selfish—”
“You are not.”
“I am.” Declan might not be selfish, but he sure was stubborn. “My favorite thing is getting blown. Or hand jobs. Hand jobs are good. Anything where I can drift off on how good it feels and stop thinking for a few minutes.”