Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 90075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
He didn’t need apologies when my actions still bled him. He didn’t want my acknowledgement that I’d pushed him into emotions that were far, far too intense.
Right now...he needed a fight. A fight he could win. A fight that would appease him and give him back all the power I’d stolen by making him come after me.
Grabbing his wrist, I narrowed my eyes. “I didn’t make you fall in love with me. You said you fell the moment you caught me as I tripped off the chair that first day.”
“Don’t use my words against me.”
“Then don’t blame me for this. You had a choice. You made that choice—”
“I never had a choice,” he roared, squeezing my neck with just enough pressure to kick instincts into genuine fear. “I told you why I didn’t want this. I told you why I wouldn’t survive it. I told you I didn’t want to hurt you, and look at what you made me do!”
“You’re right.” I clawed at his fingers. “You’re hurting me.”
Instantly, horror flooded his eyes.
His fingers loosened.
He backed away, shoving both hands into his thick hair. “Fuck. I didn’t mean—fuck.” Shaking his head, he muttered, “Don’t you see, Ella? I’m not good at this. I’m not safe at this. I-I’ll hurt you...I know I will. Either playing these games or when I die of—”
“Don’t.” I ran to him and slapped my hand over his mouth.
No way would he utter the C word ever again.
No way would he believe that anymore.
“Haven’t you learned anything?” I whispered, slowly taking my hand away from his lips. “Your thoughts become you, Nick. If you keep telling yourself that you’ll die—”
“It’s a biological fact.”
“It’s your own fear, not fact.” I cupped his cheek, giving him softness, after all. “You have authority over your own body. Diet and meditation and exercise. Just those three things are the best prevention in the world. Not to mention all the methods we’re still learning.” My voice dropped to a caress. “You’re mine now, Nicholas Davis, and I say you’re not going anywhere.”
Wincing, he cupped his hand over mine. “I’m yours?”
“Yep.” I smiled. “I hate to tell you, but the moment you went to The Black Peacock after me, your every thought, every word, and every heartbeat is mine.”
Bowing closer, he sucked in a breath. “I want to wring your neck for putting me in such an impossible situation.” Running his hand up my arm, he didn’t stop until his fingers curled around my nape. “I didn’t want to go after you. I tried to let you go. I spent the entire day pacing the fucking park, trying to convince myself it would be better if you did find someone else. Someone with better genes. Better morals.”
My heart crashed against my ribs. “So...why didn’t you?”
“Why?” He laughed coldly. “You know why.” Pressing his forehead to mine, he seethed, “I know what it feels like to watch another man fuck what’s mine. I know how much it crucified me to watch him kiss you, touch you, fall for you. It’s too damn easy to fall for you. Too damn easy to lose myself in you, and that’s exactly what I’ve done.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “I don’t want you to feel lost, Nicholas. If this is too much—”
“Too much?” he snorted, backing me into the couch again. “It’s gone beyond too much, Ella. I’m fucking drowning.”
I squirmed against his hold as he dropped his head and pressed a kiss to my throat. “I’ve lost all my control. All my power. You had to come along and mess everything up.” He bit me, layering the kiss with pain. “I feel so fucking guilty that I’ve put myself above my promise to my brother. So guilty that I’ve chosen love over duty. Wretchedly afraid that I’ve chosen a path that will only end in the worst kind of heartbreak.”
Placing my hands on his hips, I tilted my head for him to kiss and nip my throat. “I’m not going anywhere, Nick. And neither are you.”
“You can’t promise that,” he moaned into my skin. “Death has taken so much from everyone, not just me. I know what loss feels like. I know what helplessness feels like...but with you? I’m absolutely paralysed.”
Wrapping my arms tight around him, I yanked him closer until he fell against me.
The moment our bodies touched, his arms lashed tight, and we tumbled into the fiercest embrace.
He groaned as he hugged me.
“My intention was never to make you feel weak, Nicholas.”
“Well...you succeeded,” he breathed into my hair, trembling hard. “I’m utterly defenceless against you, and...I honestly don’t know how to survive it.”
Before I could reply, he cursed quietly. “What a selfish man I turned out to be.” Pulling away, he nudged my nose with his. “I’m selfish because I fell in love with you eight months ago, and I’ve done my damnedest to pretend I felt nothing ever since. I’ve been mean to you. Rude to you. Downright cruel to you. I did everything I could to convince myself that what I felt meant nothing, only to find out you’re fucking everything.”