Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 98134 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98134 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
When we’re finished, she rolls to face me in the dark. Our bodies are slick with sweat and we’re both still breathing hard. “So,” Andi says. “I wasn’t actually done with the hot dog thing. I just couldn’t think straight anymore.”
“Why is that? Because of my ‘just okay’ sexual performance?”
She grins. “Exactly. It was so aggressively average my brain was going into a kind of coma. Anyway, it’s not a sandwich. If I put a piece of ham in a hotdog bun, would it become a sandwich? No. It would be ham in a hot dog bun. A ham dog, if you will.”
I laugh. “No. It would be a ham sandwich. Is a philly cheesesteak a steakdog? No. It’s a steak sandwich.”
“It’s about intention,” she says. “A hot dog is a statement of intention. I… intend to call this a hot dog?” Andi sighs. “That made more sense in my head. And this isn’t fair because you’re over there looking like that while I’m trying to think straight.”
“You don’t even know what your point is anymore.”
She grins. “Sometimes, two people start out at one place with one thing in mind. And then… eventually they wind up somewhere totally different. Like, hear me out…” she trails off, eyes big and searching.
My chest gets tight. I can tell we just suddenly shifted from playful to serious.
“Two people do all the things people in a relationship do. They get along. They are aggressively attracted to each other.” She holds up a finger because she can tell I’m about to say something. “Even though the guy in the relationship is only just okay in bed.”
I close my mouth, smiling a little. “You forgot how patient he is.”
“Anyway,” she says, pressing on. “These two people, for all intents and purposes, are acting like they’re in a relationship. Hypothetically speaking, you could even imagine they’re internally having all the kinds of feelings people in a relationship have. But these two people have a problem. Wanna know what it is?”
“Am I allowed to say ‘no’?”
“You’re not. That was a hypothetical question. Now shut up and keep looking pretty while I talk.” She presses her fingertip to my lips, smiling, even though she looks nervous. “So what do you call this thing happening between the two people? Because they started off calling it temporary and casual. But if it changed into something else, is it still temporary and casual just because they called it that? Or is it more?”
I stare at the shape of her in the darkness–the glint of fire in her eyes and the curve of her full, pouty lips. I follow the line of her slender neck and the swell of her bare hip. “It depends,” I say slowly, thoughts racing. “If he wants to do the right thing, he keeps calling it casual. He calls it that because he knows anything more isn’t fair to her. That she’s going to expect things from him he knows he can’t give her. And if he cares about her–hypothetically–he won’t want her to get hurt.”
“Hypothetically, let’s say she’s a big girl who wears big girl panties. Shouldn’t that be her choice? Her risk to take?”
I narrow my eyes. “Are we still talking about hotdogs?”
“Answer the question, Jesse.”
I sigh. “I guess it should be her choice. And he does know she wears big girl panties, since he bought her some the first day they met.”
She kisses me softly. We’ve kissed quite a few times over the past two days, but this one feels different. A spark of something runs through me as soon as our lips touch. Her fingertips on my cheek feel tender, almost loving.
Dangerous thought. An even more dangerous word to toss around, even in my own head.
I pull her head into my chest and hold her tight. I know the morning is going to come, and none of this is going to feel as simple and clear as it does when we’re alone and stripped bare for each other. I know the dawn is coming, but I want to relish the darkness for just a little longer. In the dark, nothing we’re doing has consequences. I wish it could stay that way, but I know it can’t.
I pull her to me tight and don’t let go, even after I drift to sleep.
31
ANDI
My morning began with an escape out Jesse’s window. I gracefully fell into a snow-covered bush, landed on my ass, got melted, cold snow all over myself, then scampered around his cabin to the guest house. After our conversation last night, I hoped he’d reach out and tell me to stay where I was. I may or may not have even had a dream or two about us proudly walking out together and announcing to everybody that we were officially a couple now.
Baby steps, though. I can do baby steps, right?