Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 66978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“That’s wonderful,” Aspen says. “Now, what do we do with Kelly?”
They all stare at me.
“Don’t look at me. I’m no therapist.”
“No one says you are,” Rock says. “But keep us apprised with what you find out about her mom.”
“Absolutely. I absolutely will. I’ll get started on that tonight. In fact, I will pay her a visit while Kelly is safe at The Glass House.”
30
KELLY
For the umpteenth time, I paste a smile on my face.
“Good evening, my name is Kelly, and I’ll be taking care of you this evening. May I start you off with a cocktail?”
I take the drink orders quickly for my table of six, and then I head to the bar.
I’ve been here for three hours, and things are going well so far. I’m a good server. I’m good at keeping a lot of things in my head at once. I’m determined to show Linda that she did the right thing by hiring me.
But Linda’s not here tonight. The manager on duty is Lois, who doesn’t know me from Adam.
And she’s watching me like a hawk.
Hence, the pasted smile.
But I need to learn to smile. If I’m going to be waiting tables, a smile goes a long way. I learned that back at the diner. Smiling was hard for me then as well.
It’s even harder for me now.
But it does get easier each time.
Macy said it would, and she hasn’t steered me wrong yet.
During my break, I replay the conversation we had about Leif Ramsey.
“I slept with him, Macy. I slept with Leif Ramsey.”
Macy’s eyes widen, which doesn’t surprise me.
“And he’s your bodyguard?”
“Something like that.”
“He shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that.”
My instinct is to agree with her. To say Leif took advantage of me, that I regret it.
But that’s a lie. He did everything he could not to take advantage of me. Hell, I offered up the advantage on a silver platter. And I’m not a liar. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a liar.
Strike hard and strike first has always been my motto, but something about this time with Leif makes me think differently.
“It would be easy to tell you that he took advantage of me, but he didn’t. I was a willing participant, Macy.”
“I see. And this is the first time since the island?”
“It was, and I almost felt like it was kind of a cleansing ritual, if that makes sense.”
She nods. “It does. And you feel cleansed now?”
I think for a moment. Do I? I certainly did at the time. I felt like he was burning all the evil out of me.
And now? I have no regrets, but I know I wasn’t really cleansed.
“Yes and no,” I finally reply.
“Can you explain what you mean by that?”
“Sort of. Yes, meaning that I felt things—rather, my body felt things—I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before.”
“Even before the island?”
“Yes.”
“I see. And what do you mean when you say no?”
“No means that I can be objective about it. I know there’s no such thing as a cleansing ritual. I know I’m the same person—with the same experiences—that I was before Leif and I had sex.”
Macy smiles. “You know, I get reports from the Wolfes.”
“I’m sure you do.”
“You’re so calm and collected during our sessions, Kelly, and your records from the retreat center at the island indicate the same thing, with the exception of when you first got there. But the reports I get from the Wolfes are vastly different.”
I say nothing in reply.
She clears her throat and continues. “They say you’re difficult to deal with. Sometimes downright belligerent. That you fight them on everything.”
I nod. Does she expect me to deny it? Like I said, I’m not a liar.
“Can you tell me why that is?”
“I wish I could tell you,” I say.
“Do you think they want something from you?”
“I… I’m not sure. I don’t think you want anything from me.”
“Which is why you’re nice to me.” She makes some notes. “The only thing I want is to help you. I understand, at the retreat center, it was difficult for you to accept that help from your doctors and therapists for the first month or so, but you came around.”
I nod again.
“So why,” she asks, “do you think it’s so difficult to be kind to these others?”
“I don’t know. I know they didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me. It was their father, not them.”
“Very true, but I can see how you still maybe blame them. Even subconsciously.”
“It’s not even them, really. You know about my childhood. You know what my mother was like. Whenever someone is kind to me, it always seems like a façade, you know? Like my mother. She would be kind to me, but in an instant, the kindness was replaced with meanness. Punishment. Abuse.”
“The Wolfes aren’t going to abuse you.”