Total pages in book: 163
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
He frowns. “What about last night?”
“Why did you go to Stephanie?”
“Elliot said not to tie my sexuality to one person.”
“Who’s Elliot?”
“My therapist.”
“You have a therapist?” I frown in surprise.
“I had to talk to someone about this. I’ve been going insane.”
“Well, what did he say?” I ask, excited by the prospect of a professional opinion.
“He thinks that I haven’t let myself fall in love with anyone since Robert, and that perhaps I’ve loved you for a long time, and that my body has only just caught up with my heart.”
I stare at my beautiful friend across the table….so confused.
“He said something the other day, which made me realize what I had to do. All along, I hadn’t considered telling you any of this because I was afraid that, if you didn’t feel the same, I would lose you, and it would be the end of our friendship. It would become weird between us.” He picks up my hand and kisses my fingertips. “But the reality is, it’s already become strained between us because I haven’t been honest and I’m going to lose you anyway.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because as soon as you meet someone and get married, I’ll lose you to him.”
“We will always be friends.”
“Not the same way.” He sighs. “Your focus will be on him and your children, as it should be.”
I take a big gulp of my wine.
“So, I had to make a decision on how I’m going to lose you. Either tell you how I feel and risk rejection, or watch you marry someone else and always regret not being honest with you.”
God, this is all so deep, I put my head into my hand. “Nathan.”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know.”
His face falls. “You don’t feel the same?”
“I don’t know.” I see the sad look on his face, and I can’t stand it. “I mean, I do, I love you. That isn’t the question here.”
His lips curl in hope.
“But I don’t know if we can make this work.” I shake my head. “There are so many questions and… I’m hurt that you went to her. Your first sexual experience with a woman, and you gave it to her, not me. I wanted it, Nathan. How could you go to her?”
He stares at me for a moment, and then as if having an epiphany, he gives me a slow smile.
“Why are you smiling about that?”
“Don’t you see, the fact that it bothers you means there is hope for us.”
“I need to know what happened between the two of you. It’s eating me up.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“There’s no point continuing then.” I push my chair out. “I’ll go.”
“Sit down.” He inhales deeply and takes another big gulp of his wine.
“Start talking, Nathan. What happened with her?”
“I was driving around, trying to think. I went to a strip club. I thought it might give me some clarity, you know?”
I frown.
“I did some blow.”
“You did cocaine?” I whisper angrily. “Nathan, you’re a fucking surgeon, are you stupid?”
“Yes.” He nods. “Obviously, I am. I was just so fucked up in the head. I have no excuse, it was appalling. Next thing I knew, I was at Stephanie’s.”
I sit back in my seat, furious.
His eyes hold mine, and I know he’s doing an internal risk assessment as to what he’s about to say.
“Go on,” I urge. “I need to know what happened.”
He hangs his head. “I was off my head, not thinking straight. She opened the door and… we kissed.”
My stomach twists.
He frowns. “Next thing I know she’s on her knees.”
I close my eyes in horror. I don’t know if I actually want to hear this.
“I was going to stop.” He takes my hand over the table.
“But you didn’t?”
He hangs his head. “No.”
I watch him, filled with contempt. “What happened then?”
“I …”
“You came,” I snap.
“I freaked out and I left in a rush.”
I frown. “What did you say to her?”
“Nothing. I ran.”
“So, you let a woman suck your dick, you blew in her mouth, and then ran out without saying anything?” I gasp.
He puts his head in hands and chuckles, as if embarrassed. “Oh my God, I’ll never get over the horror.”
I put my hand over my mouth, shocked to the core. “She must hate you.”
“Undoubtedly.” He pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Have you spoken to her since?”
“No. I texted her the next morning and apologized. I hope to never see her again in my life. I’m mortified.” He takes my hand over the table. “I saved myself, Eliza. I only want you.”
“A head job is not saving yourself, Nathan.”
“That’s all that happened; I swear.”
“That’s a fucking lot Nathan,” I whisper angrily.
He takes my hand over the table. “Please, just give me a chance.”
I exhale heavily. “I need to think about this.”
“Take all the time you want. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”