Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
And he’s right. It should happen. Other than Derek, Frankie is my only real friend. If I’m taking a fucking dance class with a man eleven years younger than me, who I really want to have sex with but won’t let myself, I can have a drink with my friend.
I sigh. “I’m not sure I like these new changes in me.”
“You need some changes, Grumpy Bear. You need to live.”
Yeah…yeah, I do. “We’ll pick a day,” I tell him.
“Wow…I didn’t expect that,” Frankie says.
“I didn’t either, and I might change my mind. I’m likely just saying that to get you off my ass.”
“Liar.” Frankie winks at me. I climb into my Jeep and drive away.
“When are you going to come and stay with me for a few days?” I ask Zane as we sit on the couch at home. “We’ve hung out but you haven’t stayed with me.”
He runs a hand through his hair, then leans forward and sets his video game controller on the coffee table. He looks just like I did at his age, tall—he’s only an inch shorter than me—big-boned, with a maturity to his face that makes him look older than he is. The only difference is, there’s a lightness to his eyes I couldn’t afford to have. He’s never known what it feels like to be alone or scared. He’s never had to feel like the parent instead of the child, and he knows he always has two people who will put his needs above their own.
“Soon. I want to but you sort of have to take a few days off for that to happen, Dad. You work even more than you did when you lived at home.”
Guilt rips through my insides. He’s right. I always made time for him. I went to every sports game he ever played and coached some of them. If there was an event at school, I was there, but I did work a lot, especially when you add the forty-five-minute drive time each way.
I’m doing the same thing now.
“I mean, I guess I could come and hang out at your condo while you’re at work all day. I need to get used to being in the city since I’ll be there soon for school. Maybe I can find some eighteen or older clubs to go to…”
“Oh God. Don’t tell me that. You’re going to make my hair turn gray.”
“Beard’s already got some in it. I hope I don’t go gray early too.”
We laugh. Zane picks up his soda off the coffee table and takes a drink. There’s something on his mind, I can tell, but I sit back and wait, knowing he’ll tell me. He’s a whole lot better about not holding shit in than I am.
“Are you still in love with Mom?” he finally asks.
My brows pull together, not sure where this came from. He’s been okay with the separation. Not happy, of course, but I think he’s known for a while that his mother and I are more best friends than anything. “I love her. I’ll always love her but I’m not in love with her. Are you okay?” Maybe I’ve misread him. Maybe he’s struggling with this more than I thought.
“No, no. I’m cool. I just want you guys to be happy, and I know neither of you are going anywhere. I just…” He shrugs. “I guess I worry about you sometimes. Mom does too.”
That makes my frown deepen. “The last thing I want is for either of you to worry about me.”
“Why? You worry about us. All the time. You worry about everyone but you never worry about yourself. You try to take care of everyone, but I don’t know if you take care of yourself.”
His words beat at my armor, nicking it up.
“I’m fine, kiddo,” I tell him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
He sighs. “Mom is taking a pottery class. She’s gone on a few dates. I’m pretty sure some dude stayed the night when I was at Kenny’s the other day. She got all freaked out about it when I asked but she blushed like crazy. She and Tara had a sleepover the other day, which I admit is a little strange since they’re old, but I swear, I’ve never seen her have so much fun. They were laughing and drinking and got scared when they watched a horror flick. I felt like I had a little sister or something.” He laughs and shakes his head but I can see how happy he is for his mom. That he respects her.
“I don’t have any stories like that about you. Yeah, I don’t live with you, but I’m pretty sure you’re not doing the same stuff she is.”
Derek flashes through my head. Making omelets with him and dancing with him, maybe I’m not doing the same things and I could definitely be doing more, but there’s something. Would Zane be saying all this if he knew?