Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 74330 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74330 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
“We know we have an angel mommy, but we want a mommy here too,” Hayden explains.
“We pick Waken,” Harlow informs me.
The struggle to pull air into my lungs is real—flashes of that night, the phone call, and then the accident today. I can’t distinguish the two. I wasn’t on the scene of Holly’s accident, but I’m a firefighter, so it’s not hard to imagine after seeing the car. The car that looked just like the one today. Same make, same color. I squeeze my eyes closed to get control of my emotions.
“Can Waken be our here mommy, Daddy?” Harlow asks.
I focus on deep, even breaths. I can’t lose my shit in front of my daughters. I just can’t. Slowly exhaling, I open my eyes. “Your mommy is in heaven with the angels. Now, it’s time for you both to get some sleep.”
“But—” Hayden starts.
“Enough,” I snap. “Please, it’s been a long day, and you’re not feeling well. Daddy’s really tired too. We can talk about this when you’re feeling better.” Not that I want to talk about it at all, but it will buy me some time to wrap my head around the conversation I’m not ready to have.
“I-I love you both,” I manage to push out the words. They nod, and I can see the hurt in their eyes. I never snap at them like that. “I’m sorry, girls. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I love you both so much.”
“Love you, Daddy,” they say in harmony, the sadness lifting from their eyes with my apology.
With that, I walk out of their room and into mine. I know I have to switch out the laundry and inspect the living room for any spots I might have missed, but I need a damn minute. Plopping down on the bed, I let my arm cover my eyes.
“What have I done?” I whisper. “Holly, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never wanted to replace you.” My voice cracks, as does my heart.
I love Laken. My girls love her, and she loves us, but tonight— I didn’t think about this happening. Never once did I consider the girls asking for Laken to be their new mom. I don’t know how to handle this. The guilt is heavy on my chest, making it hard to breathe. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I want to ignore it, but I know if it’s my mom, she’ll show up here, and I don’t want to see her.
I don’t want to see anyone.
Fishing it out of my pocket, I see Laken’s name on the screen. A glutton for punishment, I swipe to read her message.
Laken: Call me when you can talk. I miss you.
Laken: My offer to help stands. Any hour any time.
Me: We’re good. The girls are sleeping.
My phone rings, and like the fool that I am, I answer. “Hey.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, just tired.”
“Anything I can do?”
“No.”
“How are the girls?”
“Sleeping.”
“Good.”
“Hey, listen, I’m going to go. I need to clean up the mess from the latest puking event and swap out the laundry, and I’m going to try and sleep while they are sleeping.”
“Good plan. I’m here if you need me. Don’t hesitate to call.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you.”
“Love you too,” I say, ending the call. I hate that I was short with her, but my mind and my emotions are all over the place. My mind swirls with the events of my past, of the day, and the request of my daughters. I can’t deal with any of it.
Climbing off the bed, I make my way to the living room, and luckily there’s no mess. The blankets must have caught it all. I lock the door, and turn off the lights, and take the bowls to the girls’ room, placing them on the beds next to them.
I watch them sleep for a few more minutes before going back to my room. I can’t tell you how long I lie awake unable to shut it all off. I eventually drift off to sleep only to be woken by a nightmare.
Chapter 23
Laken
It’s been four days since I’ve seen Grayson or the girls. When I’ve called to check on them, he’s sounded off. I hate that he’s doing this alone when I’m here to help him. I don’t know how else to get through to him that I’m here for all three of them. I want to be there helping him with the girls. I’ve done all that I can to keep my mind occupied, and I’ve ran more in the last four days than I have in months. Nothing I do helps alleviate this gut feeling that he’s pushing me away.
I tried calling him this morning when I knew he would have been on his way to the station, but he didn’t answer. So, drastic times and all that, I call my sister.