Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 131821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
He’s everything I didn’t know I needed and more than I ever thought I’d have, so again…
What happens to me, to my little boy, if the cold cruel world were to take him from me?
If he himself decided to go?
I can’t allow myself to find out.
I have to protect myself, and there’s only one way to do that.
Mason’s beautiful face slips to the forefront of my mind, and I sob silently.
I have to break my promise.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Payton
Now, November
I run. My feet pound against the pavement, and I’ve never been more appreciative of the expensive stroller my brother splurged on. Tears fog my vision, and my calves burn, but I keep running until my legs begin to shake, veering toward the grass when they do.
I drop onto all fours, Deaton still fast asleep in the carrier, and let my head hang. Guilt and regret weigh me down as if a bag of boulders has been released on me.
Guilt for all the things I feel and all the things I don’t.
Regret for all the things I’ve done and all the things I haven’t done.
It’s a confusing, twisted state of mind I can’t get out of. I feel like I’m in a lose-lose situation, every answer as right as it is wrong. It’s frustrating, but most of all, it’s downright draining.
I’m exhausted battling against the girl in the mirror, and sometimes I forget why. Why am I doing this to myself?
Not just yourself…
The damn tears threaten to come rolling back, but I push against the overwhelming sense of failure trying to take control, searching for a bit of the steel I built around myself before my world fell apart.
When I lived with my mom, I promised myself I would never allow this to happen to me.
No one would get in my head, and I would be stronger than she wanted me to be. Stronger than she was. I thought I accomplished that by running away from home, if you can even call it that.
I ran, and then my entire world fell apart.
That pressure on my shoulders seeps lower, coiling around my ribs and compressing.
I squeeze my eyes closed, inhaling through my nose and out my mouth. I count to ten like Noah taught me. Slowly, the pounding at my temples and the pressure in my lungs eases.
Laughter catches my attention, and I look over.
A group of six or seven students sit on a large blanket, textbooks and laptops strung all around them with an ice chest in the middle.
They smile and study…because this is their lives. Their school.
“What am I doing here?” I whisper, shaking my head as I force myself to stand. “I don’t belong here.” Wrapping my hands around the handle of the stroller, I begin the long walk back to the other side of campus.
An hour and a half later, I’m standing inside the studio apartment I was assigned thanks to the contract with Embers Elite. With shaky hands, I pull my phone from the little compartment on the stroller and dial the only person who will understand.
He answers on the first ring, and I close my eyes.
“Chase,” I whisper. “I need you.”
There’s a knock on the door not fifteen minutes later, and the moment Chase meets my gaze, his face falls.
He steps in, wrapping me in a hug, and the stupid waterworks come rushing back. My arms close around him, but it’s only a moment before he pulls back, a frown on his face as he stares over my shoulder before slowly bringing his green eyes to mine.
“Payton…” He shakes his head. “You can’t run from this.”
“I have to. I have to get out of here.”
“But you’re on a new contract.”
“I haven’t signed, and I’m not going to.” The mere thought is devastating, the opportunity I never saw coming. It was almost as if the bumpy path had finally smoothed out, as if fate finally found its point of connection and wove it all together.
But fate isn’t real.
Taking his hand, I beg him to understand. “You said if I ever needed an escape, you’d be there.” I plead, “I need you right now. I need that escape, Chase.”
His eyes move between mine, and he swallows, a pained expression tightening his features. He looks to the floor with a nod. “I know what you need,” he says, a sad smile on his face as he reaches back, clasping my suitcase in one hand and the folded stroller in the other. “Come on, Princess Payton. Let’s go.”
My shoulders fall in relief, and the feeling doubles when we’re finally pulling out onto the main road.
I close my eyes, doing all I can not to think, pretending every bit of distance isn’t tearing at that invisible link to the man I’m leaving behind. Again.
A few minutes later, the car rolls to a stop, but it’s not until the engine is killed that I open my eyes. Confused, I look forward to find we’re parked behind a random car, and when I glance his way, I realize where we are.