Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
His unicorn fleece onesie.
The most god-awful monstrosity of a pajama concept ever created. It had started out as a gag gift from Landry but had quickly become the only way Zane could stay warm last winter when we toured through Minnesota and Wisconsin. The poor guy had been sick in addition to being saddled with having to visit the frozen Midwest during January and February, and Landry’s gift had been just the thing.
Now, it was definitely not the thing. The man was sweating from the horseradish like I was, and the unicorn onesie wasn’t doing him any favors.
I imagined peeling it off him for a split second before I shook my head.
I needed to stop this fantasy. Whose turn was it? Shouldn’t somebody be asking a question? I needed to say something, anything, to snap myself out of it.
“Why the fuck have you never had sex before?” I blurted.
My words slipped out like the notes of a song played off-key, each discordant syllable tumbling over the last as we listened in horror.
Zane’s eyes flashed to me and widened in surprise. My own words replayed in my mind as I realized the depth of my mistake.
My career-ruining mistake.
“Oh fuck. I’m sorry, Zane. Please.” My face was on fire and not from the kick of the horseradish. Panic rushed through my veins.
The kiss had been bad enough, but not letting it lie after he’d clearly wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened? Worse. Way worse.
“That is absolutely none of my business and highly inappropriate. I beg your pardon.” I stood up quickly and reached for the dishes. I would clean up our dinner mess and disappear into my room to give him the privacy he probably craved. At least I hadn’t made such a grievous mistake in front of others.
How could I have been so stupid? Should I offer my resignation now or wait until the morning? Should I tell him or tell Violet first? Was I even strong enough to bring myself to do it when it would mean leaving him more vulnerable?
No. Definitely not. Then maybe I needed to—
Zane’s long fingers closed around my wrist, directly over my hammering pulse. “Stop, Bear. Sit down.”
I looked over at him without fully turning to face him. “I’m sorry,” I said again softly. “Zane—”
“Ryan. Will you stop acting like you just stabbed me by accident? Sit back down.”
The sound of my real name on his lips caught my attention as it usually did. I slowly lowered myself back into my seat next to him at the table, and once he knew I wasn’t going to bolt, he let go of me.
The air outside had gotten cold enough later in the day to justify turning on the gas fireplace, and full darkness had descended a while ago, leaving us feeling isolated and hunkered down.
I clasped my hands together in my lap and focused on them.
After an awkward moment, Zane spoke. “I’m actually glad you finally said something. I knew you heard me talking about it the other night, and I was so embarrassed.”
I glanced up. “Embarrassed? Why?”
His own cheeks were pink, but there was no way he was as mortified as I was.
“Because I’m a thirty-three-year-old virgin? Is there even such a thing? I know I’m not supposed to care about virginity because it’s a social construct… but tell that to every other man on Earth, will you?”
I took a deep breath. “Don’t ever feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do because of what other people think—”
“I do want to do it!” Zane snapped, throwing his arms up. “That’s the problem. I want to do it badly. Very, very badly. But I…” He blew out a noisy breath. “I’m so twisted up about it now I’d only embarrass myself. And what if Noelle was right? What if the first time I have sex, someone captures it on film, and everyone sees me come in one point five seconds?”
My body thrummed with a toxic mix of embarrassment, secondhand embarrassment, greed, and lust.
So. Much. Lust.
“Don’t do it with someone you can’t trust.” As much as I wanted to encourage him to stop worrying and just do it, I couldn’t help but give him at least that one warning. He was mine to protect, and I’d be damned if I was going to let him get taken advantage of.
Zane glanced up at me and then looked back down at where he was running his thumbnail over a callus on the inside edge of his ring finger. Those guitar-player hands never failed to make my heart skip a beat. I wanted them on me, always. “That makes for a very short list.”
“The brotherhood?” I suggested, even though my gut roiled at the idea.
He grimaced. “Ew. I call them my brothers for a reason, Bear. Besides, the only one who’s single is Landry, and if he’s not hate-fucking Kenji, he’s at least thinking about it.”